{"id":122,"date":"2021-02-25T23:32:13","date_gmt":"2021-02-25T23:32:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wendirank.com\/?p=122"},"modified":"2021-03-02T16:50:30","modified_gmt":"2021-03-02T16:50:30","slug":"sabotage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/25\/sabotage\/","title":{"rendered":"Sabotage"},"content":{"rendered":"

To paraphrase the Beastie Boys, I got this thorn in my side.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Last week, I promised you a story about my mother. It won\u2019t be as contrite as my story about Don.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It\u2019s rarely good news when the phone rings at six in the morning, right? I mean, Ed McMahon isn\u2019t calling that early to tell you Publisher\u2019s Clearing House is cutting you a check. The Caller ID showed my parents\u2019 phone number. I began putting everything in place to suspend my day as I answered the phone.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Here\u2019s what I really enjoy about Willie’s<\/a> emergency phone calls. As soon as the phone rings, I\u2019m filled with suspense. It\u2019s like the first time you watch the shower scene in Psycho<\/em>. You know something bad is coming, but what?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Indeed, Willie rivals Hitchcock when it comes to building apprehension. I try to ruin the uncertainty by asking pesky questions like, \u201cIs everything OK?\u201d But nobody ever said to Hitchcock, \u201cHey, kill Janet Lee\u2019s character in the first scene of Psycho<\/em>.\u201d Or if they did, Hitchcock didn\u2019t listen.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie bears the torch of Hitchcock\u2019s wisdom.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
Willie and Indy. Halloween, sometime in the 1980s.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

The quick answer would have been \u201cMy asthma is acting up. I\u2019m having trouble breathing.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Imagine how bad Psycho<\/em> would have been if Anthony Perkins had leaped across the desk to stab Janet Lee the moment she checked into the Bates Motel.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I had asked if everything was OK. Here\u2019s Willie\u2019s answer:<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI woke up this morning feeling like I had \u2013\u201c<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

You know, I\u2019m going to interrupt Willie here. What she said is a little gag-worthy. So I\u2019ll again paraphrase. She had a post-nasal drip.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Back to Willie:<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201c- and I have a cold and Daddy has to get blood drawn and I can\u2019t be left alone because I feel like I can\u2019t breathe and I need to go to the hospital to make sure I don\u2019t have pneumonia or a blood clot but by the time they do all the tests the damn hurricane will be upon us!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lots of words for a lady who can\u2019t breathe.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

With Janet Lee finally hip to Mother Bates\u2019 murderous ways, I could see I had three problems to straighten out. First, Willie\u2019s cold\/ asthma flare-up needed addressing. Second, I needed to evaluate whether Willie really needed to go to the hospital. And last, I needed to deal with Indy.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Indy \u2013 and Willie for that matter \u2013 do not drive at night. With Hurricane Isaias licking the region like a greedy kid with a Popsicle, the morning sky may as well have been night. Indy had no business driving.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

That\u2019s when I started in with my pesky questions again. Now, Hitchcock was notoriously swayed by his blonde leading ladies \u2013 Tippi Hedren, the aforementioned Ms. Lee, Grace Kelly. Fortunately, Willie bears this Hitchcockian torch, too. She\u2019s susceptible to the (now) very blonde me.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

In other words, she answered my questions.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

First things first. Willie owns a pulse oximeter<\/a>. What, I asked, was her pulse oximeter reading today?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She hadn\u2019t checked.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

One hundred percent is perfect, but in healthcare we don\u2019t really get alarmed until you hit 90%. Willie checked as I waited on the phone. A robust 97%.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Next, had Willie taken her asthma rescue medications, the ones intended to open her airways?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Yes. Perfect.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Last, did Indy really need blood work today?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Yes. He was scheduled to see his doctor the following day. Indy has had some non-COVID viral thing going on for a month. His persistent illness has been preventing him from preparing Willie\u2019s morning tea properly, and Willie has had it. Indy\u2019s doctor needs the blood work to see what, exactly, is Indy\u2019s major malfunction so Willie can have a proper cup of tea in the morning.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I told Willie and Indy to sit tight. I dressed. Let Pete out. Woke the kids. I\u2019ll be gone for a little bit. Hold down the fort, guys.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And then I did the smartest thing I did that day. I grabbed a banana. You\u2019ll see why it was so smart in a bit.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Letting myself into Willie and Indy\u2019s, I evaluated the situation. Indy, who had not had anything to eat since the night before in preparation for his blood work, was chilling at the table. Willie lay reclined in her BarcaLounger, the all-important tea at her side, the news playing on the TV.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The sight of her caffeine made my brain spasm with need. Oh, to have had some caffeine that morning!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I did a head-to-toe exam on Willie. Tip-top health. Her lungs were clear as mountain air.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

While Willie appreciated my assessment, she doubted its accuracy. Her oxygen level couldn\u2019t be 97%! She felt like she wasn\u2019t thinking clearly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

You don\u2019t say.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Another pesky question from me. Had Willie eaten today?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

No.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A few tweaks and Willie was resting comfortably \u2013 physically and mentally. It was time to tackle Indy.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll drive,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Indy and I arrived at the lab. Sign-in is by electronic kiosk. Indy still has a flip phone.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cGet me signed in,\u201d Indy directed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie hadn\u2019t made an appointment. When you walk in at six or seven in the morning, Willie told me, they take you right back.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

An hour later, Indy and I were a bit twitchy from lack of food and caffeine. I at least had eaten that banana. Indy, not so much.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Two hours later I began making phone calls and texts to rearrange my day. I also went online and made Indy an appointment with the lab for later in the morning. I kept him signed in as a walk-in to hedge my bets.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Three hours later, Indy, looking off into space, laughed and muttered to himself, \u201cI took my pills this morning with apple cider.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Now, if you’re not allowed to eat anything due to pending blood work, apple cider is off-limits. If we told the lab he’d had apple cider, our three-hour wait would have been for nothing.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I weighed this out. Apple cider four hours ago? We\u2019ll get the blood work.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ll just make sure we tell your doctor,\u201d I told my dad. \u201cBut when the phlebotomist asks, you\u2019ve only had water.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Four hours in, Indy said, \u201cOh hey. I don\u2019t know if Mom told you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

If it had anything to do with Indy\u2019s health, no. Mom didn\u2019t tell me. I\u2019m only his medical power of attorney. Why would I need to know about changes in Indy\u2019s health?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Indy had been to the dermatologist last week, and I knew he\u2019d had several lesions removed. Indy gets melanomas all the time thanks to his Parkinson\u2019s and an unfortunate family history.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As it turns out, one of this crop of lesions came back positive for melanoma. Indy needs to go back and get a chunk of his arm carved out to prevent further spread.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
A little cancer and apple cider never hurt anyone, right?<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

It\u2019s small. Likely contained. No need for alarm.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I mentally rolled my eyes as Indy\u2019s name was called. Four long, hungry hours after we first walked in the doors Indy was just getting called back and I was just discovering Indy, you know, has a cancerous lesion on his arm.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

My head rang with a migraine screaming for food, caffeine, and Advil. Indy was pale and stooped with hunger. I drove him home and walked him up to his apartment.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

We found Willie doing dishes, taking out trash, and cooking dinner. The housekeeping equivalent of juggling while spinning a plate from a stick in your mouth and hopping on one foot.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Short of breath indeed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I\u2019m tellin\u2019 y\u2019all. It\u2019s sabotage.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
You\u2019re g**damn right it\u2019s sabotage. And you\u2019ll like it.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

I sat Indy down to eat, laid out a game plan for the next few days with Willie, and headed home. Starbucks. Advil. Food. Hugs from my kids.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The next day, I called Willie early. Not six in the morning early, but early. What time is Indy\u2019s doctor\u2019s appointment today?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie, contrite, quietly told me she\u2019d been wrong. Indy\u2019s appointment wasn\u2019t until next week.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And with that, Willie bested Hitchcock. She was like the secret love child of Hitchcock and M. Night Shyamalan with her little curveball ending. My crystal ball ain\u2019t so crystal clear. I never saw it coming.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOK,\u201d I sighed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou took that well,\u201d she said, surprise in her voice.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Indy and I had sat, for four hours in a storm, my kids under a tornado watch with no power, for blood work that could have waited a week. What could I do? You don\u2019t get mad at Hitchcock for making you root for Janet Lee, only to have her taken away. No one resents Night for making us long to see Bruce Willis reconcile with his wife only to find out it\u2019s impossible.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

You can\u2019t be mad at a master.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Listen all y\u2019all, it\u2019s sabotage.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

To paraphrase the Beastie Boys, I got this thorn in my side.   Last week, I promised you a story about my mother. It won\u2019t be as contrite as my story about Don.   It\u2019s rarely good news when the phone rings at six in the morning, right? I mean, Ed McMahon isn\u2019t calling that…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":128,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[5,3,6,7,4],"yoast_head":"\nSabotage - Wendi Rank<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"An early morning phone call is all it takes to kill your week...\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Sabotage - Wendi Rank\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"An early morning phone call is all it takes to kill your week...\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/25\/sabotage\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Wendi Rank\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-02-25T23:32:13+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-03-02T16:50:30+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-25-at-6.30.43-PM.png\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"896\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"682\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"wendi\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"wendi\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"8 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/25\/sabotage\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/25\/sabotage\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"wendi\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/#\/schema\/person\/81fa1f6bb0eed6ccabd60fce3c44bdfd\"},\"headline\":\"Sabotage\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-02-25T23:32:13+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-03-02T16:50:30+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/25\/sabotage\/\"},\"wordCount\":1633,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/#\/schema\/person\/81fa1f6bb0eed6ccabd60fce3c44bdfd\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/25\/sabotage\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-25-at-6.30.43-PM.png\",\"keywords\":[\"Parkinson's\",\"Parkinson's disease\",\"Parkinson's disease awareness\",\"Parkinson's sucks\",\"sandwich generation\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Sandwich Generation\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/25\/sabotage\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/25\/sabotage\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/25\/sabotage\/\",\"name\":\"Sabotage - Wendi Rank\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/25\/sabotage\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/25\/sabotage\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-25-at-6.30.43-PM.png\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-02-25T23:32:13+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-03-02T16:50:30+00:00\",\"description\":\"An early morning phone call is all it takes to kill your week...\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/25\/sabotage\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/25\/sabotage\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/25\/sabotage\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-25-at-6.30.43-PM.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-25-at-6.30.43-PM.png\",\"width\":896,\"height\":682,\"caption\":\"You\u2019re g**damn right it\u2019s sabotage. 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