{"id":165,"date":"2021-02-26T00:15:24","date_gmt":"2021-02-26T00:15:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wendirank.com\/?p=165"},"modified":"2021-03-02T16:42:41","modified_gmt":"2021-03-02T16:42:41","slug":"stroke-of-genius","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/26\/stroke-of-genius\/","title":{"rendered":"Stroke Of Genius"},"content":{"rendered":"

By now, it\u2019s probably obvious my entire life\u2019s goal is to control<\/a> Willie and Indy<\/a>. The problem is never Indy<\/a> who, like Mary Poppins, is practically perfect in every way.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The problem is Willie. Willie has never been controlled by anyone a day in her life. When Willie and Indy moved into their old folks\u2019 apartment, a lady in their hallway introduced herself as the de facto hallway leader.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So of course she is Willie\u2019s mortal enemy. Moriarty to Willie\u2019s Sherlock. Capulet to Willie\u2019s Montague. Khan to Willie\u2019s Kirk. This resident had once been the hallway fire marshal, but was dethroned long before Willie\u2019s arrival. There\u2019s no way Willie is going to be ruled by the failed fire marshal of hallway C, Second Floor.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie also refuses to be ruled by me. I am not only thirty years shy of her life experience but, as a master\u2019s-prepared nurse with twenty-six years\u2019 experience in the field, I know nothing about medicine that Willie, also a master\u2019s-prepared nurse with twenty-six years\u2019 experience, retired for close to a decade, doesn\u2019t herself know.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

This is Willie. Willie and I once met William Shatner. We were told we could only take pictures. Under no circumstance were we to talk to William Shatner.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Nobody tells Willie she can\u2019t talk to William Shatner.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie told the very aggrieved William Shatner that he should be so happy with her for raising me right – as in to be a Trekkie. She kept right on talking, all while security kindly escorted her away.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

This is Willie.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So when I was texted the picture Monday of Indy\u2019s orange-colored urine, my Spidey sense told me I was in for a very long day.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie was convinced Indy was peeing blood. Indy had been battling a urinary tract infection for several days. He was on medication for the infection, a medication that notoriously stains urine an alarming red-orange. As all of Indy\u2019s symptoms had improved, I was certain this was not blood. Especially since, you know, it was orange<\/em>.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie was not convinced of my medical prowess.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
If I was in charge, no papers or cords would occupy the floor of the old people\u2019s apartment.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

As I geared up to coach my Parkinson\u2019s boxing<\/a> class, I received a call from Willie. She and Indy were en route to the hospital. Indy\u2019s doctor\u2019s office had called. \u00a0Indy\u2019s testing had indicated no infection. When Willie told them about the \u201cblood\u201d, they ordered Indy to the emergency room.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

In the two hours it took me to exercise my boxers, things spiraled. Indy was just supposed to have his whole pee situation worked out. By the time I got his nurse on the phone, he was being admitted, the better to evaluate him for a stroke.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie doesn\u2019t mess around. Why just get your kidneys checked when you can have every organ and vessel from your heart on up fully evaluated?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
Indy, circa 1938, with his grandfather, the first Indy.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

Now, notice I didn\u2019t say I got this information from Willie. She steadfastly refused to call me, no matter how much my texts begged.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When I spoke with Indy\u2019s nurse, I was able to give her all kinds of fun Indy trivia neither Indy nor Willie had shared. So much trivia, in fact, she gave my number to Indy\u2019s emergency room nurse practitioner, who promptly called me.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She wanted to play Indy trivia, too.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Indy went to the emergency room at noon. It was seven in the evening by the time I heard from Willie. I picked up my phone. Willie skipped the pleasantries, getting right down to business:<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI fired Indy\u2019s nurse practitioner.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie didn\u2019t care for the stroke protocol rules imposed upon Indy. When the nurse practitioner refused to amend them, Willie fired her.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It\u2019s worth noting that I, too, was a nurse practitioner once upon a time.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As it was too early to start drinking, I took a few deep breaths, then explained the stroke rules to Willie.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Did I mention I was, specifically, a stroke nurse practitioner?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Naturally, Willie refused to heed my tutelage.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Five minutes later, my phone rang again. Does it matter that I was single-handedly wrangling kids, dog, and household?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It does not.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

It was Willie again. Indy was asking that I tag her out. He wanted Willie home. He wanted me in the emergency room. COVID rules prevented us both from being there.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Like I said. Indy is happy to let me control him all day long. He\u2019s really the only person in my life willing to give me the reins. He\u2019s so right to want that. It\u2019s why he\u2019s my favorite person.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
I mean, I\u2019m clearly guiding Indy here. What father doesn\u2019t need his three-year-old\u2019s instruction on his baby\u2019s first beach trip?<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

I had to take the kids to Don\u2019s parents before I could get to Indy, so let me pause here to say something about my in-laws. They are godsends. They are my bonus parents. I married an only child whose parents live down the street. What should be a nightmare is a dreamscape.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I can best describe my in-laws like this: If you haven\u2019t seen the movie Tales From The Darkside<\/em>, you\u2019re missing Debbie Harry as a June Cleaver-esque cannibal bent on roasting a very young Joey Lawrence for a dinner party. To escape, Joey tells the gastronomically-bankrupt Debbie a series of tales. You know, to distract her.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

In one of the tales, a down-on-his-luck artist sees a grotesque creature devour a drinking crony in a bar alley. The creature tells the artist if he agrees to never speak of the creature\u2019s existence, the creature will let the artist live.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Done deal, right?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The artist, desperate for the safety of home, plows into a beautiful woman on the street. She proves to be the love of his life, turning around his boozing and career. They have children. They build a happy home.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

But the artist is plagued with guilt. This woman has saved him. She is the reason he can be<\/em>. He has kept his promise to the creature, but he feels it is at the expense of his wife\u2019s trust.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Like a fool, he confesses to his wife about the creature. I mean, duh man! She\u2019s<\/em> the creature, their kids are little creature babies, and now she has to eat him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

My point is that Don\u2019s parents are like that girl\/creature. They have changed my life, made it better.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I\u2019m, like, 98% sure they\u2019re not creatures ready to consume me if I speak of their existence, but if I\u2019m not here next week, you\u2019ll know what happened.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
See how tightly I grip my sister\u2019s hand? I was so careful to make sure everyone got where they needed to be on the first day of school. And that absolutely isn\u2019t pain on her face.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

When I got to Indy, he told me Willie was being completely unreasonable and knew that I, with my wisdom and calm, could quickly unfuck this situation.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

OK. That part is maybe a little bit hyperbolic. I may be paraphrasing.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I got Indy settled and headed home. I was just beginning to ponder an Egg McMuffin when my phone exploded.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Our house alarm was going off, probably because I had failed to turn off the motion sensor in my haste to leave. Pete<\/a> had triggered it trying to break into my daughter\u2019s room.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The alarm company calls from an 800 number. It looks like a telemarketer. When I ignored the call, the alarm company called Don, who was at The Cabin<\/a>, then my in-laws.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So, while driving home, starving, a headache splitting my skull, I had to call the alarm company, Don, and his parents. Then I had to speak with a lovely officer from the Upper Southampton Police Department.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Once Pete and I inspected the house for intruders, bear spray in hand because I live with an outdoorsman<\/a> and therefore always have bear spray handy, I settled onto my sofa. My assessment this day would be protracted had been accurate. I hoped a lava cake and a little Unsolved Mysteries<\/em> could erase it.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

They could not.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
And that would be me, my arm casually resting on Indy\u2019s side, ready to catch an errant kid falling from Indy\u2019s back. Somebody had to be the adult.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was clear to me that, in the battle for dominance, Willie had become my<\/em> Moriarty, Capulet, Khan. I\u2019m clearly better at directing things. Even Indy (sort of) said so.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I thought back on each adversary. Moriarty. The Capulets. Khan. To defeat these adversaries \u2013 or, in the case of the Capulets, at least have a truce \u2013 someone had to die. Sometimes several someones.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I have no doubt that, in a battle to the death, Willie would be the victor. She\u2019d win the cage match, shrugging a smug \u201cI told you so\u201d at my dead body.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie will continue to dominate.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

At least I\u2019ll have something to write about.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By now, it\u2019s probably obvious my entire life\u2019s goal is to control Willie and Indy. The problem is never Indy who, like Mary Poppins, is practically perfect in every way.   The problem is Willie. Willie has never been controlled by anyone a day in her life. When Willie and Indy moved into their old…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":170,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[5,3,6,7,4],"yoast_head":"\nStroke Of Genius - Wendi Rank<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"My ongoing battle for dominance...\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Stroke Of Genius - Wendi Rank\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"My ongoing battle for dominance...\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/26\/stroke-of-genius\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Wendi Rank\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-02-26T00:15:24+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-03-02T16:42:41+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-25-at-7.12.05-PM.png\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"904\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"936\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"wendi\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"wendi\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"9 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/26\/stroke-of-genius\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/26\/stroke-of-genius\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"wendi\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/#\/schema\/person\/81fa1f6bb0eed6ccabd60fce3c44bdfd\"},\"headline\":\"Stroke Of Genius\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-02-26T00:15:24+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-03-02T16:42:41+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/26\/stroke-of-genius\/\"},\"wordCount\":1640,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/#\/schema\/person\/81fa1f6bb0eed6ccabd60fce3c44bdfd\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/26\/stroke-of-genius\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-25-at-7.12.05-PM.png\",\"keywords\":[\"Parkinson's\",\"Parkinson's disease\",\"Parkinson's disease awareness\",\"Parkinson's sucks\",\"sandwich generation\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Sandwich Generation\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/26\/stroke-of-genius\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/26\/stroke-of-genius\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/26\/stroke-of-genius\/\",\"name\":\"Stroke Of Genius - 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