{"id":194,"date":"2021-02-26T00:43:14","date_gmt":"2021-02-26T00:43:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wendirank.com\/?p=194"},"modified":"2021-03-02T16:36:09","modified_gmt":"2021-03-02T16:36:09","slug":"whos-the-joker-now","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/26\/whos-the-joker-now\/","title":{"rendered":"Who’s The Joker Now?"},"content":{"rendered":"

I think Willie<\/a> is pranking me.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Indy and I have a standing date. Every Tuesday morning, I roll into the apartment he and Willie share. I set up the dining room table for Indy. I log into the telehealth appointment.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Because every Tuesday, Indy and I do speech therapy.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It\u2019s early when I show up for the 8:30 appointment. Sometimes, Willie and Indy haven\u2019t had breakfast yet. Sometimes, they haven\u2019t even had coffee.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sometimes, it\u2019s worse than that.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
You\u2019re making me angry. I\u2019m pretty sure you\u2019re not going to like me when I\u2019m angry. And yes. Yes I did. I combined Marvel and DC.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

Extraneous noise during a telehealth appointment certainly interferes with the quality of that appointment. When the patient is as hard of hearing as Indy, extraneous noise is an even bigger problem.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When the telehealth appointment is all about speech, extraneous noise makes for a very dire situation.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Enter Willie, purveyor of fine extraneous noises, as well as occasional poor lighting and nudity.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

At precisely 8:30, every Tuesday morning, I click on that \u201cConnect\u201d button. And Willie creates some kind of ambient noise.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sometimes, she\u2019s issuing commands to Alexa<\/a>, whom she now believes is a Russian spy because she thinks Russia wants to know what the average American retiree does each day.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Occasionally, she decides that I \u2013 in my unrelenting reign of terror<\/a> \u2013 was being downright evil in turning off MSNBC. She turns it back on, cranking the volume up to levels that make me realize the etiology of Indy\u2019s deafness.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A few times, she\u2019s declined to answer the phone. She won\u2019t even pick up when the caller\u2019s message drags on and on.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And on.<\/p>\n

\"\"
I\u2019d take the noise of an airplane\u2026.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
\u2026.or my trusty guitar. They\u2019re both quieter.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

But my two favorite noises employed by Willie are the sink and the dishwasher.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Several times, Willie has decided that the dishes must be done at exactly the moment Indy\u2019s speech therapist chirps her cheery \u201cGood morning!\u201d She\u2019ll start at the sink, rinsing the dishes with a water strength I\u2019m sure is envied by Niagara Falls.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It\u2019s bewildering water from a spigot can be that loud. It\u2019s also bewildering to see Willie do dishes. She\u2019s not big on housework.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Next comes the dishwasher. It groans and sloshes, projecting its cacophony through the apartment. Indy struggles to hear the therapist, who in turn can\u2019t hear the hums Indy executes to strengthen his voice muscles.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
Ummmm, no. I didn\u2019t turn off the dishwasher. Nope. Not me.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie is a diabolical genius.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And an overachiever, as she\u2019s not content to merely inflict us with the clamor and racket of the Hoover Dam, struggling to erupt from her kitchen.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie likes to alter my carefully staged lighting. Vanity demands precise lighting \u2013 not to mention cosmetics and wardrobe. But just as the clock rolls over to 8:30, Willie shuts down all the lights, a Bizarro bartender at last call.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Many mornings, Indy and I have been plunged into blackness. Indy laughs as I scrabble to turn on lights, shut down the dishwasher, answer the phone. Willie likes to float behind me, musing as to why the light is back on when she \u201cjust turned that thing off!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
Guys, I have things to do so I\u2019m just going to shut down this train. If that\u2019s OK with you. Even if it isn\u2019t OK with you.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

But good pranksters can’t \u2013 won’t \u2013 stop with the tried-and-true. Willie pulled her best stunt yet last week.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When I arrived – eight o\u2019clock sharp because I always have to do everything right \u2013 Indy was dressed, but Willie was still in her nightgown. Willie lingered through the beginning of Indy’s appointment \u2013 off-camera, but close enough to be sure her pranks were hitting their mark.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Once Indy and I completed our requisite flutter of light adjusting and sound-reducing, Willie retreated to the bedroom.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
Aahhh\u2026just me and Indy. Or maybe not\u2026..<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

She emerged in short order, her nightgown now exchanged for jeans and a bra.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Wait. What?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie was still off-camera, but the obvious concerned me. There is not an abundance of real estate in that apartment. It would not take a lot of movement for Willie to become a very specific sort of go-go dancer.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I waved my arms. When Willie didn\u2019t acknowledge me, I hissed under my breath, ridiculously hoping I could both keep Willie off-camera and refrain from making the dreaded extraneous noise.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She finally looked up at me, just as she had moved enough to almost \u2013 almost \u2013 be in camera range.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I pantomimed frantically. I pointed at my own chest, then at my computer, then at Willie. I made my eyes wide, desperately trying to communicate the obvious yet urgent nature of the move Willie was about to make.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I think we\u2019ve all been that movie theater audience, the one who yells and begs for the protagonist to just run outside or kiss the girl already or realize his dad loved him all along. We\u2019ve all felt the frustration when the protagonist doesn\u2019t hear us, when he runs up the stairs instead, when she doesn\u2019t kiss the girl, when the dad dies unheard.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I was gesturing to Willie with all the force of an audience \u2013 and Willie was ignoring me with all the force of an actor adhering to a hackneyed plot.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie made a \u201cwhat can I do?\u201d look. Then she scuttled across the apartment, presumably to her laundry closet for a sartorial rescue.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And in full view of the camera.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I locked my gaze to the tiny window on the computer that reflected me and Indy. I positioned my head to block the camera\u2019s view of Willie. Each time I saw a glimpse of bare shoulder, I shifted my body to shield Willie, like I was Willie\u2019s personal Pixelmator Pro.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie reached the laundry closet, shutting the door, modesty all of a sudden in her repertoire. I sat, aghast at Willie\u2019s \u2013 what? Disregard? Audacity? Effrontery?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I contemplated the depths Willie was willing to go to with her pranks. I considered that Indy still has a month of speech appointments left.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A month where Willie \u2013 who is clearly willing to go for broke \u2013 can execute more devilish pranks. A month where I am ill-prepared. A month where I will be outwitted.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Will she spill tea on my computer? Sweat to the oldies in the background? Rent a string quartet? Get a pelvic exam in her living room?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The temptation, of course, is to thwart her. But when you mess with Willie, you get the horns. And I\u2019ve been told recently that I\u2019m having boundary issues when it comes to Willie and Indy. I should just let them play out their lives, interfering only when things are critical.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I can\u2019t be the audience that yells at the screen. I need to be that one guy \u2013 usually Don \u2013 who casually chomps popcorn while the killer lingers at the top of the steps, the girls commit to their love, deaths play out across the screen.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Or, you know. I can just bring a shirt.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I think Willie is pranking me.   Indy and I have a standing date. Every Tuesday morning, I roll into the apartment he and Willie share. I set up the dining room table for Indy. I log into the telehealth appointment.   Because every Tuesday, Indy and I do speech therapy.   It\u2019s early when…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":197,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[5,3,6,7,4],"yoast_head":"\nWho's The Joker Now? - Wendi Rank<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Willie is determined to have the last laugh....\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Who's The Joker Now? - Wendi Rank\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Willie is determined to have the last laugh....\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/26\/whos-the-joker-now\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Wendi Rank\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-02-26T00:43:14+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-03-02T16:36:09+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-25-at-7.39.23-PM.png\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"864\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"990\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"wendi\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"wendi\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"7 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/26\/whos-the-joker-now\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/26\/whos-the-joker-now\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"wendi\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/#\/schema\/person\/81fa1f6bb0eed6ccabd60fce3c44bdfd\"},\"headline\":\"Who’s The Joker Now?\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-02-26T00:43:14+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-03-02T16:36:09+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/26\/whos-the-joker-now\/\"},\"wordCount\":1306,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/#\/schema\/person\/81fa1f6bb0eed6ccabd60fce3c44bdfd\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/26\/whos-the-joker-now\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-25-at-7.39.23-PM.png\",\"keywords\":[\"Parkinson's\",\"Parkinson's disease\",\"Parkinson's disease awareness\",\"Parkinson's sucks\",\"sandwich generation\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Sandwich Generation\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/26\/whos-the-joker-now\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/26\/whos-the-joker-now\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/26\/whos-the-joker-now\/\",\"name\":\"Who's The Joker Now? 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