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A grapefruit.<\/p>\n
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They also don\u2019t need sex to reproduce, although asexual reproduction breeds only males. Still. You have to be afraid of something that doesn\u2019t need sex to survive.<\/p>\n
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Their mating process, by the way, begins when the male licks<\/a> the female\u2019s back. The show is on if she licks him back. Wouldn\u2019t all of our lives be easier if we were like Komodos? If no one returns your lick it\u2019s time to just put on some comfy PJs and a rerun of Law & Order<\/em>.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Komodos can outrun<\/a> a human. They can also swim.<\/a> I read once they can climb trees. I couldn\u2019t find anything legitimate confirming this, but their young hang out in trees.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n That\u2019s close enough.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Essentially, if it comes down to you vs. the dragon, the dragon will win. He can chase you down. He can follow you up a tree. He can follow you into the ocean.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n They\u2019ve lived on Indonesian islands for millions of years but were only discovered 100 years ago. That\u2019s how stealthy they are \u2013 islands populated with people had no idea ten foot long, three hundred pound lizards were living amongst them.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n There\u2019s a lot of other horrifying facts. I\u2019ll let you read them yourself.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n I mean, sweet dreams after that. Now you know why it\u2019s important to sleep with the lights on and never, ever walk through the forest in the middle of the night.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n You might have a Komodo dragon under your bed. Or in your forest.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n You also might encounter Jason Voorhees, the Blair Witch, the guys from Deliverance, <\/em>the Paranormal Activity<\/em> demon, and the Poltergeist<\/em> stuff living in the closet and under the bed.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n I can hate demons and poltergeists, but I can\u2019t really hate Komodo dragons. They\u2019re classified as vulnerable.<\/a> Plus they eat snakes, which I appreciate. These snakes get beached on the dragons\u2019 islands from the South Pacific Ocean, which is a whole other problem we can talk about another day.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n There\u2019s another disturbing post on Nature Is Metal. It\u2019s an eel coming through the belly of a bird in flight. Not out of, as in regurgitation. Through<\/em>.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Also a problem for another day. There\u2019s only so many things I can be concerned with at a time. Because the other problem swelling my phobias is the reptile house near The Cabin<\/a>. It\u2019s very socially distanced. The kids and I paid it a visit.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n I know what you\u2019re thinking. Why would I, an avowed herpetophobe<\/a>, take the kids to a reptile house?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Because the Brawny paper towel man was off doing Brawny paper towel man stuff. That\u2019s why.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Also, The Cabin is basically a reptile house in its own right.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The first problem at the reptile house was the docent, who was sitting in the empty lecture theater with a snake around his neck. As if there\u2019s nothing wrong with that.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Worse, I shouted a question down to him before I saw the snake. I was that close to death. I mean, I have children to raise. Put that completely non-venomous snake away so I can live another day.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The next problem was the Nile monitor<\/a>. My son fell in love with him (her?). We stood before its enclosure, watching its tongue flick out. Watching as it stood on its hind legs, its front legs braced against the glass.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n I just read<\/a> escaped or released pet Nile monitors now populate Florida. As if I needed another reason to avoid Florida<\/a>. Invasive pythons<\/a>, native reptiles, Disney, and now Nile monitors?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n No offense to Floridians. My uncle lives there, and I\u2019m pretty down with him. It\u2019s just that my preferred vacation spot is North Carolina. Everyone knows my Outer Banks island is reptile-free.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Don\u2019t disabuse me of that belief.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n One reptile house snake kindly waited for my arrival at its enclosure to open its jaws wide. For a really long time. For no apparent reason other than I was there.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n A very green snake lay coiled horrifically around a tree branch, which is another reason to stay out of the woods in the middle of the night. It really doesn\u2019t matter that this snake isn\u2019t indigenous to the United States. Pythons and Nile monitors are not indigenous to the United States. Yet here they are.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n The reptile house alligators lay in a pool beneath us. BENEATH US.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n I was on top of them before I saw them. In other words, I was nearly devoured.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n At least the South Florida cooter<\/a> was funny. Scary, but funny. Like Freddy Krueger.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n These animals \u2013 those in the reptile house, those at Nature Is Metal \u2013 are fascinating to watch, in a horrible way. Some have been here millions of years. They know how to survive, which is fascinating in a different sort of horrible way.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Should I stop looking at the Instagram account? Probably. Will I? No. How can I possibly know what to be afraid of if I don\u2019t check Instagram or visit reptile houses?!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Also, I can make a lot of jokes about the symbolism in my fear of snakes. Jokes almost as funny as the South Florida cooter. Which I just discovered lives in North Carolina<\/a> as well as Florida. My North Carolina.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n There\u2019s a joke in there somewhere about the snakes preying on the cooters, if you think hard enough and use the right words.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Obviously, I need Nature is Metal. I need reptile houses. They will save me from getting annihilated by a South Florida cooter when I\u2019m walking to the beach. Save me from a Komodo dragon while I hike in central Pennsylvania. Save me from pythons when I don\u2019t go to Florida.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n And save you too.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n You\u2019re welcome.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n PSA<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Let\u2019s be honest. If Komodos become extinct I will just find something else to fear. Help me manage my phobias by preserving Komodos and other compromised species. Visit the World Wildlife Fund here<\/a>. You can even get a plush Komodo with your donation. Just don\u2019t bring it to my house.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Invasive pythons in Florida are terrifying \u2013 for both ecological reasons and those in my imagination. Visit the Nature Conservancy here<\/a> for ways to help. And read the Smithsonian<\/em> article I linked. The pictures alone are worth the read.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Also, skull drills are no joke. Find out more here<\/a>.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Binge<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n I\u2019m not going to make you civically responsible without a little reward. Some pandemic bingeing you may have missed.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The Boys<\/em>. Definitely not your typical superhero story. And definitely not for kids. Wrong in the very best ways. Season 2 starts on Prime September 4.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The Expanse<\/em>. A futuristic, outer space story. With one very Don Rank-looking protagonist. All four seasons are on Prime.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Unsolved Mysteries.<\/em> No Robert Stack, but still very good. I couldn\u2019t walk away, and that guy definitely didn\u2019t go through the roof. Netflix.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n I\u2019ll Be Gone In The Dark<\/em>. Based on Michelle McNamara\u2019s book of the same name \u2013 which is a compelling page turner. Part autobiography, part hunt for a serial killer. She died not long before he was arrested. HBO.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Atlanta\u2019s Missing and Murdered: The Lost Children.<\/em> Fans of Netflix\u2019s Mindhunter<\/em> -another great binge \u2013 will recognize the racism pervasive throughout this case. HBO.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The Disappearance of Maura Murray<\/em>. Despite neighbors peeping through windows and offering assistance at the scene of her car wreck, no one sees Maura disappear. Maggie Freleng investigates each rumor in hopes of locating Maura. Oxygen Network.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Dark.<\/em> I\u2019ll be honest. This is German, so it\u2019s dubbed. And I haven\u2019t finished it. The plot unfolds in a small German town in a combination of Stranger Things<\/em> and Back To the Future<\/em>. Except it\u2019s not funny because we Germans think levity should hold no role in your life. We think you have to struggle. All the time. Netflix.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Vikings<\/em>. Fictionalized account of the Scandinavian invasion of England. Ragnar<\/a> is, um, pretty bingeworthy himself. If you know what I mean. Prime.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-27-at-6.52.05-AM-300x285.png\")
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