{"id":237,"date":"2021-02-27T12:38:51","date_gmt":"2021-02-27T12:38:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wendirank.com\/?p=237"},"modified":"2021-03-02T16:30:01","modified_gmt":"2021-03-02T16:30:01","slug":"make-like-a-tree","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/27\/make-like-a-tree\/","title":{"rendered":"Make Like A Tree"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>There\u2019s always about 10% of me that believes our family hikes at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pope-pourri.net\/hunting\/blog-post-title-one-mg9r6\">The Cabin<\/a> are just a pretext. As we drive through rural roads, further and further from civilization, I am always mindful of every Lifetime movie ever made. The husband, tired of marriage, takes his wife to a remote locale to hasten that whole \u201ctill death do us part\u201d thing.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m ready.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m mostly sure Don doesn\u2019t want to kill me. Unfortunately for me, the byproduct of being a horror movie buff\/TV addict is that a hike in the woods is never just a hike. It\u2019s a potential snuff film.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Just this Sunday Don suggested a hike. Sunday. Sundays are when we leave The Cabin. To be fair, Don himself was staying on at The Cabin, the lure of hunting far more powerful than the lure of our <a href=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/03\/02\/hunting-widow\/\">anniversary<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>And any, um, celebrating that may go with it.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_238\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-238\" style=\"width: 300px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-238\" src=\"http:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-27-at-7.34.26-AM-300x261.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"261\" srcset=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-27-at-7.34.26-AM-300x261.png 300w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-27-at-7.34.26-AM-768x668.png 768w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-27-at-7.34.26-AM.png 784w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-238\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">As we departed this scene, Don saw the sign warning of rattlesnakes. Please don\u2019t tell me he doesn\u2019t, on some level, want to kill me.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Leaving The Cabin as fast as possible is apparently not on Don&#8217;s agenda, since he didn&#8217;t recognize the haste in mine. Why would I linger at The Cabin? So I could shower with a serpentine bug and a few spiderwebs? So I could not go to Starbucks? So I could miss George Stephanopolous?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>The Cabin television doesn\u2019t get ABC.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>My guard was immediately up, as it is with any Cabin hike, but more so this day, the eve of our anniversary. What a poetic day to off me.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>So as he counseled the kids to wear long pants and socks, I watched him carefully. He didn\u2019t load any weapons into the many pockets of his pants, but I wasn\u2019t fooled. I\u2019ve watched enough television to know I wasn\u2019t off the hook.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I asked Don if he was planning to kill me. He said yes, like he always does, and instructed me to turn, turn, turn down narrow, dirt paths.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>We piled out of the car, Don hooking Pete to his leash and again making no move to smuggle any weapons onto his person. I watched Don from the corner of my eye, partly to dodge any attempt at bludgeoning, partly out of curiosity.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_239\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-239\" style=\"width: 300px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-239\" src=\"http:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-27-at-7.35.08-AM-300x220.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"220\" srcset=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-27-at-7.35.08-AM-300x220.png 300w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-27-at-7.35.08-AM-768x562.png 768w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-27-at-7.35.08-AM-850x622.png 850w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-27-at-7.35.08-AM.png 880w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-239\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Those brown things in the middle of the picture are rattlesnakes. It\u2019s a rattlesnake pit at a restaurant in El Paso, Texas. Can you believe I got this close? And aren\u2019t you proud of me?!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Don visibly relaxes when we hike. He takes in his surroundings, looking for, well, I don\u2019t know. I cannot fathom what Don will find on these hikes that is fascinating. But find things he does, and points them out to us, and revels in his finds.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>He and the kids stop frequently to inspect and identify insects, or birds, or turtles.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Turtles are just the worst. Those ghastly snake heads peeking out from their shells. Ugh.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_240\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-240\" style=\"width: 204px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-240\" src=\"http:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-27-at-7.35.45-AM-204x300.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"204\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-27-at-7.35.45-AM-204x300.png 204w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-27-at-7.35.45-AM-698x1024.png 698w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-27-at-7.35.45-AM-300x440.png 300w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-27-at-7.35.45-AM.png 714w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 204px) 100vw, 204px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-240\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Don is standing, I\u2019m warm in the sled. If every outdoors outing looked like this, I might participate more.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>These things move him in a way they don\u2019t move me. I feel moved each time I watch the <em>Star Trek<\/em> movie reboot. Don must be made of steel, because he never wells up when Leonard Nimoy, as Spock, sees his old friend Jim Kirk for the first time in decades because he\u2019s outlived him but has now traveled back in time.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Don fails to see the beauty in the fight between Black Widow and Hawkeye, in the closing scenes of <em>Avengers: Endgame<\/em>, a fight borne of their friendship and deep love for each other. He refuses to watch <em>The Mandalorian<\/em>, even though he saw <em>A New Hope<\/em> in the theater twenty-three times.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Although, in his defense, he did give me sage advice regarding <em>The Mandalorian<\/em>. When I told Don I had a crush on the Mandalorian but that I feared my crush would be squelched if I ever saw him without his helmet, Don wisely told me to never see him without his helmet.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s true love right there.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Is Don just as mystified by my inability to see the joy in our children crouching over a defunct hornets\u2019 nest as I am over his inability to love the celluloid? Doubtful. He reconciled himself to my failures long ago.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>As we walked what Don called \u201cthe trail\u201d and I called \u201cenough brush to camouflage snakes\u201d, I observed the land around us. I can\u2019t say it was like gazing over the ocean, where miles and miles of water end in a horizon that you know is just really more miles of water.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>It was more like standing on the edge of a lake \u2013 enough acreage to intimidate, but not enough to where the landscape disappeared from view. Trees and different elevations in the terrain circumscribed the panorama I beheld.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I asked Don if people ever depart the path we currently tread, head off into those tall blonde grasses surrounding us.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSure,\u201d he said. \u201cHikers, hunters. All the time probably. Why?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I had been wondering if this would be a good place to dump a body, and told Don so. His answer disqualified the scene before us. Anyone who has ever read a mystery novel knows the longer a body lingers, the better off the perpetrator is likely to be.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWell that\u2019s why hunters and hikers are always the ones to find bodies,\u201d Don pointed out. I\u2019m not squeamish about dead bodies. I added this possibility to the few items in the \u201cpro\u201d column for being outdoors.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_241\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-241\" style=\"width: 165px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-241\" src=\"http:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-27-at-7.36.27-AM-165x300.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"165\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-27-at-7.36.27-AM-165x300.png 165w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-27-at-7.36.27-AM-300x546.png 300w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-27-at-7.36.27-AM.png 542w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 165px) 100vw, 165px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-241\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">I hate when Pete charges into the underbrush.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Our hike continued. Another hiker came into view, heading towards us on the same path we now walked.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I know what you\u2019re thinking. What are the chances another hiker would be on this path at the exact moment we traversed it? Clearly this guy haunts this path, waiting for some unsuspecting family he can slaughter.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Except I\u2019m not unsuspecting. I\u2019m suspecting. I\u2019m suspicious. I\u2019m wary. I once \u2013 accidentally, I swear \u2013 sliced open Don\u2019s finger with a knife I kept under my pillow when I slept alone. It\u2019s how I wound up with bear spray in my bedside table. Don was afraid the next injury would be fatal. Bear spray might make him really uncomfortable, but he\u2019ll live to tell the tale.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I keep a multipurpose tool in my purse, full of sharp, shiny weapons. My instinct, upon seeing the interloper, was to have one of the blades ready. The multipurpose tool package said they\u2019re really \u201ctools\u201d to use as camping knives or cuticle scissors. But there are way too many blades for that thing to be merely functional.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>As this was a hike, I hadn\u2019t brought my purse. Purses are frowned upon in hiking situations. But Don &#8211; big, broad-shouldered, protective, always prepared Don \u2013 surely was ready to attack. Not wanting to give away Don\u2019s ambush, I glanced at him quickly, thankful for the sunglasses shielding my eyes.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Don was not preparing an assault. He was, in fact, smiling and waving at the guy. He offered a genial \u201cHow\u2019s it going?\u201d as we passed our assailant, and never even looked over his shoulder to make sure the wannabe Ted Bundy hadn\u2019t double-backed on us.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Don\u2019s not even that friendly at parties.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Well, at least one of us was prepared to fight. I watched that guy until he disappeared from view.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_242\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-242\" style=\"width: 269px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-242\" src=\"http:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-27-at-7.37.13-AM-269x300.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"269\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-27-at-7.37.13-AM-269x300.png 269w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-27-at-7.37.13-AM-768x856.png 768w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-27-at-7.37.13-AM-300x334.png 300w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-27-at-7.37.13-AM-850x947.png 850w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-27-at-7.37.13-AM.png 876w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 269px) 100vw, 269px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-242\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">That\u2019s not really a trail, right guys? You\u2019re with me here, aren\u2019t you?<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I went straight from that hike to my car to home. I have a critical routine after The Cabin, one that involves exfoliating shampoo, face scrub, and body salt. This ritual removes The Cabin cooties. My near death experience on the hike only made me more desperate to exfoliate. I went to bed with all the lights on, my iPad cued up to <em>Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom<\/em>. Better extinct animals than real ones.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Also, better a really bad movie than no movie at all. Movies don\u2019t typically happen at The Cabin. That\u2019s an indoors activity. We do outdoors things at The Cabin.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>And no. No one is amused when you download <em>The Meg<\/em>, pop in your earbuds, and hit the hiking trail.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Don came home a few days later \u2013 well after our anniversary \u2013 hoping for some <a href=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/03\/02\/parcheesi\/\">Parcheesi<\/a> before heading back into the woods. What he got was me on the sofa, crying because Leonard Nimoy had once again stumbled across a young James Kirk.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Then he got some <em>Star Trek <\/em>trivia, all of which he\u2019s almost definitely heard before, and all of which he cares nothing about.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>In my defense, you can\u2019t skip out on me for two weeks and expect the Parcheesi board to just be set up, ready to go. You know?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I talked to Don, now back at The Cabin, the other night. He told me how, during his four o\u2019clock in the morning hike to his deer stand, his headlamp died. I explained to him about forests, and the evil entities that lie within, and that killing your light is their stock in trade.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>He humored me, like he usually does when I issue warnings about the supernatural, axe murderers, wayward hitchhikers, and old houses.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I know he\u2019s not really taking my advice. Or protecting himself.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I went to bed. I had done all I could do for him. I kept all the lights on, the better to ward off demons and ghosts. I had bear spray by my side, ready to use on any intruder.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Because one of us should be ready.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>We have children to raise.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>There\u2019s always about 10% of me that believes our family hikes at The Cabin are just a pretext. As we drive through rural roads, further and further from civilization, I am always mindful of every Lifetime movie ever made. The husband, tired of marriage, takes his wife to a remote locale to hasten that whole&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":238,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[21,20,22,17,18,19],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Make Like A Tree - Wendi Rank<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Someday, Don is going to write a response to everything I\u2019ve ever written here\u2026..\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Make Like A Tree - Wendi Rank\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Someday, Don is going to write a response to everything I\u2019ve ever written here\u2026..\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/27\/make-like-a-tree\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Wendi Rank\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-02-27T12:38:51+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-03-02T16:30:01+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-27-at-7.34.26-AM.png\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"784\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"682\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"wendi\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"wendi\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"9 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/27\/make-like-a-tree\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/27\/make-like-a-tree\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"wendi\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/#\/schema\/person\/81fa1f6bb0eed6ccabd60fce3c44bdfd\"},\"headline\":\"Make Like A Tree\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-02-27T12:38:51+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-03-02T16:30:01+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/27\/make-like-a-tree\/\"},\"wordCount\":1730,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/#\/schema\/person\/81fa1f6bb0eed6ccabd60fce3c44bdfd\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/27\/make-like-a-tree\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-27-at-7.34.26-AM.png\",\"keywords\":[\"hunter's wife\",\"hunting\",\"hunting widow\",\"Outdoors\",\"Outdoorsman\",\"Outdoorsman's wife\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Outdoorsman\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/27\/make-like-a-tree\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/27\/make-like-a-tree\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/27\/make-like-a-tree\/\",\"name\":\"Make Like A Tree - 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