{"id":25,"date":"2021-02-21T14:11:37","date_gmt":"2021-02-21T14:11:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wendirank.com\/?p=25"},"modified":"2021-03-02T17:17:03","modified_gmt":"2021-03-02T17:17:03","slug":"careless-whisper","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/21\/careless-whisper\/","title":{"rendered":"Careless Whisper"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/25\/the-move-part-2\/\">Willie<\/a> has named her Apple Watch \u201cWendi.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Her Siri is very bossy, she tells me. Siri tells her to get up and walk around because she\u2019s been sitting too long.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Siri tells her to breathe at times throughout the day because, as I have long suspected, Willie is superhuman, doesn\u2019t require air, sleep, or food like us mortals, and will continue to stalk this planet long after I\u2019m gone.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Siri doesn\u2019t understand Willie\u2019s otherworldly abilities. She tells Willie to breathe.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Willie\u2019s Apple Watch is controlling, demanding, and obsessive. Willie says it\u2019s just like me. So she calls her watch \u201cWendi.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>What can I say? Like Liam Neeson, I possess a certain set of skills. That those skills rival the abilities of one of the most technologically advanced inventions in the history of humankind is a compliment I proudly accept.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_26\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-26\" style=\"width: 346px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-26 \" src=\"http:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-21-at-9.04.14-AM-300x224.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"346\" height=\"258\" srcset=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-21-at-9.04.14-AM-300x224.png 300w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-21-at-9.04.14-AM-768x573.png 768w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-21-at-9.04.14-AM-850x634.png 850w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-21-at-9.04.14-AM.png 898w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 346px) 100vw, 346px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-26\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Yeah. I know exactly what I&#8217;m doing.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Also, I don&#8217;t like it when other Wendis spell their name with an &#8220;i&#8221; like I do, but I&#8217;ll happily share the spelling with Siri.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>For the record yes, that\u2019s how it\u2019s spelled on my birth certificate. Indy chose the spelling because Indy thinks I\u2019m too awesome to have a conventionally spelled name. He also has either a sense of humor or no insight because my middle name is Lynne and \u201cWendi Lynne\u201d sounds like I should work in the adult entertainment industry.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cLynne\u201d was actually a joint effort. So Willie, Indy, and my grandmother have either a sense of humor or no insight.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_27\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-27\" style=\"width: 221px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-27 size-medium\" src=\"http:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-21-at-9.05.49-AM-221x300.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"221\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-21-at-9.05.49-AM-221x300.png 221w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-21-at-9.05.49-AM-755x1024.png 755w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-21-at-9.05.49-AM-768x1042.png 768w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-21-at-9.05.49-AM-300x407.png 300w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-21-at-9.05.49-AM.png 786w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 221px) 100vw, 221px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-27\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">I look like one of the kids from \u201cVillage of the Damned.\u201d<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Willie shared the news of my namesake as she, Indy, and I sat down for a virtual appointment with a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.va.gov\/\">VA<\/a> social worker. Willie and I have applied to be Indy\u2019s caregivers, a role I do not relish.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>But each time I do something for Willie and Indy, something they are perfectly capable of doing for themselves but I \u2013 if I\u2019m really being honest here &#8211; do better, they feel bad for taking up my time.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I think they should feel bad for not letting me <a href=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/25\/the-move-part-1\/\">orchestrate<\/a> their <a href=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/25\/the-move-part-3\/\">move<\/a>, or making me and Indy sit at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pope-pourri.net\/blog-2\/dqltbh6efsd7tzuq7fsxab7nl5je17\">Quest<\/a> for four hours during a tropical storm, or <a href=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/26\/stroke-of-genius\/\">hospitalizing<\/a> Indy for no reason whatsoever.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>But Indy and Willie are very resistant to my edicts on what should upset them.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Which, by the way, should also upset them.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_28\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-28\" style=\"width: 300px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-28 size-medium\" src=\"http:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-21-at-9.07.19-AM-300x246.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"246\" srcset=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-21-at-9.07.19-AM-300x246.png 300w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-21-at-9.07.19-AM.png 764w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-28\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Now I really look like a kid from \u201cVillage of the Damned.\u201d Who, exactly, gave me that knife?<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Being recognized as a VA caregiver comes with benefits. Benefits I can point to and say, \u201cDon\u2019t feel bad for asking me to get you strawberries while I\u2019m ALREADY AT THE GROCERY STORE. The VA is supporting my caregiving efforts!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I can point to those benefits and say, \u201cDon\u2019t feel bad for storing what you called \u2018seven boxes\u2019 but is actually TWENTY-seven boxes of your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.macys.com\/shop\/wedding-registry\/for-the-home\/department-56\/Holiday_decor_type\/Villages?id=74064&amp;cm_mmc=Google_Bridal_Text-_-Bridal_DSA_Bridal_DSA-_-358427185430-_-_b_c_kclickid__kenshoo_clickid__KID_763_1693951115_65526153989_358427185430_aud-374536321149:dsa-519384092614___c_KID_&amp;trackingid=445x121431&amp;m_sc=sem&amp;m_sb=Google&amp;m_tp=DSA&amp;m_ac=Google_Bridal_Text&amp;m_ag=Bridal_DSA&amp;m_cn=Bridal_DSA&amp;m_pi=go_cmp-1693951115_adg-65526153989_ad-358427185430_aud-374536321149:dsa-519384092614_dev-c_ext-_prd-&amp;gclid=Cj0KCQiAwf39BRCCARIsALXWETxtRZzqBAsP7wyEe271IqBVrOQGMwXnUpvk1TB4m6fjQfLx3bQShHQaAjevEALw_wcB\">Dickens&#8217; Christmas Village<\/a> porcelain houses in my garage which costs me nothing but space in an area I avoid at all costs. The VA is supporting my caregiving efforts!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>And Willie \u2013 if you\u2019re reading this \u2013 the kids tell me the garage <a href=\"https:\/\/www.britannica.com\/animal\/skink\">skinks<\/a> are living under those boxes. You may want to reconsider your plans for those houses. I\u2019m thinking less \u201cauction\u201d and more \u201ctrash.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Also, if anyone is interested in a charming combination of Scrooge\u2019s counting house and a skink in an alarming shade of iridescent blue, I\u2019m willing to negotiate a price.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re responsible for the haul away.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Now, don\u2019t get me wrong. There are definitely things I do that are beyond Willie and Indy\u2019s abilities. Take Indy\u2019s Parkinson\u2019s care. Now, I know nothing about electrical wiring. That did not stop me from fixing an electrical outlet, or from the subsequent shock I received after the outlet sparked and issued a stream of smoke.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I am not aware of my limitations.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>But Indy, Marine, bus driver, HVAC repairman, knows his limitations. He shouldn\u2019t be in charge of his health. Way back when his hand first began to shake, Indy told me he wasn\u2019t worried about it, or the quicksand we\u2019d have to wade to get him diagnosed.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>He had people for that, he told me. Me and Willie. Willie and I are the people who will worry about that shaky left hand. Not him.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Then he made me pay for our breakfast.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Willie is a different story. Sometimes, Willie acknowledges that I, master\u2019s degree and neurology experience in hand, am the best one to handle Indy. But sometimes she thinks that she, as his wife, should be handling things.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>But when Willie handles things, Indy\u2019s cardiologist takes him off medication his neurologist needs Indy to take. This takes me four phone calls, three emails, and two weeks to fix.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>That was my fault, Willie said, for not explaining the neurologist\u2019s medication to her and Indy. Which I did explain to them, but if I didn\u2019t, can you blame me? I\u2019m very busy running the skink Dickens\u2019 Village Airbnb out of my garage. That\u2019s a moneymaker right there.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-30 aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-21-at-9.09.02-AM-300x225.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"225\" srcset=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-21-at-9.09.02-AM-300x225.png 300w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-21-at-9.09.02-AM-768x577.png 768w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-21-at-9.09.02-AM-850x638.png 850w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-21-at-9.09.02-AM.png 884w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_31\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-31\" style=\"width: 300px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-31\" src=\"http:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-21-at-9.09.35-AM-300x258.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"258\" srcset=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-21-at-9.09.35-AM-300x258.png 300w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-21-at-9.09.35-AM-768x660.png 768w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2021-02-21-at-9.09.35-AM.png 828w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-31\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Hey guys! Put your hands in the air if you just don\u2019t care\u2026that you\u2019re driving me nuts.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>So this particular day, we had our telehealth VA social worker visit &#8211; Indy, Willie, an Apple watch named Wendi, and me. The social worker asked questions. Necessary questions, but questions Indy hates. Questions that make it clear Indy\u2019s Parkinson\u2019s can incapacitate him more than it already does. Questions that make Indy seem every day of his eighty-two years.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I hate these appointments. His speech appointments and driving assessments and now this caregiving application. It\u2019s like I\u2019m executing a medieval blood-letting on Indy \u2013 I think I\u2019m helping, but the only thing I\u2019m doing is slowly draining Indy of everything he needs to survive.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>And yes. In case you\u2019re wondering, I have been watching the latest season of <em>Outlander<\/em>. There\u2019s a lot of blood-letting this season. Not so much nudity though.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>The VA social worker also asked me questions. She asked me about a typical day (up at five), how I relieve stress (lots of Starbucks), and if I have any caregiving experience.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I told her I\u2019ve been a nurse for twenty-six years. I figured that should do the trick.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>But Indy and Willie both sighed, rolled their eyes, and elbowed me in unison.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWendi,\u201d they said, clearly exasperated with me. \u201cYou were a CANDY STRIPER!\u201d As if my nine months of candy striping when I was eighteen are somehow superior to my two decades of advanced practice nursing.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>And now that you know I was a candy striper, I\u2019ll bet you\u2019re back to thinking of my fictional career in the adult entertainment industry, aren\u2019t you?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>When the social worker questioned Willie, she posed the same questions she posed to me. And Willie tells the social worker she has no caregiving experience.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>None.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Willie, who was a nurse for decades. Willie, who took in my grandmother when she could no longer live alone. Willie, who confiscated the car keys when my grandfather\u2019s cancer spread to his brain. Willie, who retired to spend three days a week caring for my five nieces.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Willie, who once administered first aid to an elderly woman when she fainted at the zoo. Willie, who talked my friends through parent troubles and young adult woes. Willie, who cooks dinners for the people in her building incapacitated by falls or surgeries.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>It was my turn to roll my eyes, sigh, and elbow Willie.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cUm, you were a nurse,\u201d I prompted.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI guess that counts,\u201d Willie said.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Willie answered the questions. She relaxes with <em>The Bachelor<\/em> (really?). She makes the dinners (don\u2019t ever eat anything Willie has cooked) while Indy handles breakfast (tea and toast). She and Indy don\u2019t know what they\u2019d do without me.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>And me. Without my recording app on.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>They don\u2019t know what they\u2019d do without me.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>The feeling is mutual. It\u2019s why I have Dickens\u2019 Village houses hosting skinks in my garage. It\u2019s why I buy strawberries at the grocery store. It\u2019s why I spend two weeks undoing the damage done at the cardiologist\u2019s office.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Because Willie and Indy are my Starbucks raison d\u2019etre. If they\u2019re gone, I have no excuse for a monthly car payment\u2019s worth of Starbucks.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>If I don\u2019t have Indy and Willie, I doubt Don will continue to be cool with that tab.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I may very well wind up in the adult entertainment industry after all. Something has to finance my Starbucks habit.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Willie has named her Apple Watch \u201cWendi.\u201d &nbsp; Her Siri is very bossy, she tells me. Siri tells her to get up and walk around because she\u2019s been sitting too long. &nbsp; Siri tells her to breathe at times throughout the day because, as I have long suspected, Willie is superhuman, doesn\u2019t require air, sleep,&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":26,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[5,3,6,7,4],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Careless Whisper - Wendi Rank<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I know you guys aren&#039;t fools, but can&#039;t we just pretend? 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