{"id":300,"date":"2021-03-01T10:55:50","date_gmt":"2021-03-01T10:55:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wendirank.com\/?p=300"},"modified":"2021-03-02T16:16:06","modified_gmt":"2021-03-02T16:16:06","slug":"getting-schooled","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/03\/01\/getting-schooled\/","title":{"rendered":"Getting Schooled"},"content":{"rendered":"

As it turns out, hunter education<\/a> is hard.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

In the online hunter ed program<\/a>, I\u2019m on unit 9. Out of 11.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I registered in April.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

This is June.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I really don\u2019t want to hunt.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

For starters, a lot of hunting involves hiking through forested landscape in the dark.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

That\u2019s a hard no.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Between the likelihood of snakes dangling from trees in anticipation of my arrival and supernatural beings lurking in shadows in anticipation of my arrival, all using the cover of darkness, I\u2019ll stay in bed. Thanks.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

There are also many rules for hunting. Some are actual laws, enforced by the Pennsylvania Game Commission<\/a>. Some are ethical<\/a> \u2013 way more than listed in this link, let me tell you.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Here\u2019s a sampling: No using your weapon if you don\u2019t know what\u2019s on the other side of your target. Don\u2019t bait your quarry. Wear fluorescent orange \u2013 everywhere, always. Make sure no people are anywhere near you before firing. Don\u2019t appear menacing when approached by a game warden.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
Surprisingly, toilet plunger guns are not covered in hunter ed.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

I\u2019m going to write down the rules. Keep that crib sheet handy while I hunt. My understanding is the noise I\u2019ll make rustling through my notes is likely to scare away my quarry. I\u2019ll fail before I even get started.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And consider the elements and fauna. Last month-ish, Don took our daughter spring turkey hunting. They were out at 4 A.M., hiking through the woods and waiting on the turkeys. Temperatures were in the twenties, Fahrenheit.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A few weeks ago, while out hiking, Don spotted a black mark on a tree, set way off the path. Curious, he hiked in closer for a look.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was a snake.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

While it\u2019s safe to say I\u2019d never be that curious, there\u2019s no guarantee the snake won\u2019t feel the same way about me.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
I don\u2019t understand why Don had to investigate this. And I really don\u2019t understand why he had to take a picture of it.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

And the hunting itself\u2026I don\u2019t have the courage to look my meal in the eye. I have people for that.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

But to learn to butcher, I\u2019ll need to hunt.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I persevere with hunter ed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

By the way, did you know butchering requires removal of the animal\u2019s poop? That\u2019s something you just don\u2019t consider.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

This isn\u2019t to say hunter ed hasn\u2019t been entertaining. There is, for example, a bird called a dickcissel<\/a>.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Are you kidding me? That little guy is just begging to be mocked over his name.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Before you judge, my maiden name is Pope. Married name Rank. I\u2019ve suffered plenty of ridicule right there. And Wendy’s “Where’s The Beef?” campaign<\/a>? Let\u2019s just say I hated that campaign. And that\u2019s not how my name is spelled.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Also, think about the confluence of my first and middle names \u2013 Wendi Lynne. Even my mom \u2013 who named me \u2013 says that sounds like a porn name.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So I get to mock the little dickcissel.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Little dickcissel! Now that\u2019s funny.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Double entendres pop up in hunter ed like Whack-A-Mole. Nipple wrench? Not what you think. Butt plate? COCK? I texted Don so many jokes about hunting double entendres he stopped replying.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The reality is I\u2019ll be done soon. Committed to hunting to achieve my true goal \u2013 butchering. I\u2019ll have to step off that ledge. Brave the cold and the snakes, the rules and the ethics. Leave my comfort zone, and the comfort of my sofa, Starbucks, and Netflix.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Well. At least it\u2019s not a Wendy\u2019s commercial.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
It freaks me out when Pete leaves the trail.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

Today, an article popped up in my newsfeed. The post, written by the MeatEater<\/a> crew, discusses why hunters frequently have the misfortune of finding human remains. It’s fascinatingly macabre.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
A road at The Cabin. Kinda makes you wonder\u2026.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

One police officer points out hunters are trained to be observant \u2013 in the woods. But that same hunter at home? Not so much on the good observations.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
That\u2019s a bone. In the cupholder of my car.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

In my case it\u2019s messes. Don spots a black mark on a tree far enough away he has to hike in to figure out what it\u2019s a snake. But spill something in the kitchen, well, let\u2019s just say there\u2019s a lot left to clean up.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So let\u2019s review what I have to do to avoid additional messes made with butchering. Spend two months taking the sexually provocative hunter ed course. Memorize and apply a Magna Carta\u2019s worth of rules. Hike through the woods in the dark. Brave ghosts and reptiles. Remove poop. Be prepared to find dead bodies.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

That seems fair.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As it turns out, hunter education is hard.   In the online hunter ed program, I\u2019m on unit 9. Out of 11.   I registered in April.   This is June.   I really don\u2019t want to hunt.   For starters, a lot of hunting involves hiking through forested landscape in the dark.   That\u2019s…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":305,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[30,21,20,22,10,11,17,18,19],"yoast_head":"\nGetting Schooled - Wendi Rank<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Who knew hunter ed could be so much fun?\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Getting Schooled - Wendi Rank\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Who knew hunter ed could be so much fun?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/03\/01\/getting-schooled\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Wendi Rank\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-03-01T10:55:50+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-03-02T16:16:06+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/Screen-Shot-2021-03-01-at-5.52.18-AM.png\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"882\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1036\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"wendi\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"wendi\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/03\/01\/getting-schooled\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/03\/01\/getting-schooled\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"wendi\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/#\/schema\/person\/81fa1f6bb0eed6ccabd60fce3c44bdfd\"},\"headline\":\"Getting Schooled\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-03-01T10:55:50+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-03-02T16:16:06+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/03\/01\/getting-schooled\/\"},\"wordCount\":879,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/#\/schema\/person\/81fa1f6bb0eed6ccabd60fce3c44bdfd\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/03\/01\/getting-schooled\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/Screen-Shot-2021-03-01-at-5.52.18-AM.png\",\"keywords\":[\"Deer Camp\",\"hunter's wife\",\"hunting\",\"hunting widow\",\"neat freak\",\"obsessive\",\"Outdoors\",\"Outdoorsman\",\"Outdoorsman's wife\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Outdoorsman\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/03\/01\/getting-schooled\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/03\/01\/getting-schooled\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/03\/01\/getting-schooled\/\",\"name\":\"Getting Schooled - 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