{"id":529,"date":"2021-04-21T18:16:20","date_gmt":"2021-04-21T18:16:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wendirank.com\/?p=529"},"modified":"2021-04-21T18:16:20","modified_gmt":"2021-04-21T18:16:20","slug":"ducking-ridiculous","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/04\/21\/ducking-ridiculous\/","title":{"rendered":"Ducking Ridiculous"},"content":{"rendered":"

Once, years ago, I tried to get Don into the one outdoor activity I really enjoy.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Skiing.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I was hoping to cultivate a Johnny Come Lately \u2013 Donny Come Lately? \u2013 Shaun White.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

What I actually cultivated was a 6\u20192\u201d human snowball with a sprained finger.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was years before that finger stopped swelling. That also may have been the finger I accidentally sliced open with the knife I had under my pillow. But that injury is really on Don because if he just believed in the things that go bump<\/a> in the night, he\u2019d refrain from sticking his hand under my pillow.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Skiing – just like every other outdoor activity I initiate<\/a> \u2013 didn\u2019t go well. In fact, I\u2019m pretty sure Don and I started a family for an excuse to never ski again.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

But what some people call intransigence I call optimism. I keep trying to find outdoor activities for the Rank clan. Outdoor activities don\u2019t come naturally to me. I rely on others for inspiration. Social media, outdoor journals, even conversations with outdoors-minded individuals all serve as inspiration for my (attempted) adventures.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The latest was the wood duck box.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I don\u2019t even know what a wood duck is, let alone a wood duck box. But I saw a youth contest<\/a> in the Pennsylvania Outdoor News<\/em>, which I don\u2019t read. Don does, though.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I probably put an end to that this weekend.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Wood ducks are ducks<\/a>. That might seem obvious, but red pandas<\/a> aren\u2019t exactly pandas and killer whales<\/a> aren\u2019t whales, so you\u2019ll understand my suspicion about the wood ducks.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

But they are, in fact, ducks. And it turns out \u201cwood\u201d is an accurate moniker for them because they like water surrounded by trees.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Their population and habitat have taken a hit, so people build wood duck boxes<\/a>. Installed in wetlands, the wood duck boxes invite wood ducks to nest. The relative security of the wood duck box means more ducklings are likely to hatch. Wood duck boxes are basically prenatal care for birds.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And, I thought, a fun family activity.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Reading through the contest rules, I saw that participants are expected to build their own box. As in, buy the wood, saw it into the necessary pieces, then assemble it.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Like I\u2019m a pilgrim or something.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I don\u2019t even know where to buy wood. Or how to use a saw. And if I thought anything living was occupying a space I built, I\u2019d never sleep again. The stress of expecting the housing I constructed to collapse would be overwhelming.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Fortunately, I found a talented individual online happy to provide me the pieces I needed to assemble a wood duck box. He even sent me bolts to mount my wood duck box \u2013 it needs to be off the ground \u2013 and cedar chips for bedding.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I figured I could do this. I could assemble a wood duck box. I\u2019ve put together IKEA furniture before. I just handed my dad the pieces and the instructions, then made myself scarce while he cursed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

This is why I got married. Somebody has to inherit that job. My dad isn\u2019t going to live forever.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I just probably should have discussed the wood duck box with Don before I did anything. Or really, discussed it with anyone with a smidge of wood duck box knowledge.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

But we optimists don\u2019t really discuss. We do<\/em>. We\u2019re like Don when he became that snowball \u2013 we gather momentum as we go.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Don assembled the wood duck box, which was very easy thanks to the instructions and Pete\u2019s determination to take a nap on them. The kids even got in on the action with enthusiastic shouts of \u201cWhy are we doing this?\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m missing a FaceTime call!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
Outdoorsy guys are pretty hot.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

The following weekend, we hit The Cabin<\/a>. Don had located a beaver pond he thought would be ideal to hang our wood duck box. We could all hike to the spot, including Pete.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Outdoor time!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
The trailhead.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was not a long or difficult hike to the beaver pond. It wasn\u2019t even that cold. But by the time we were done hanging that wood duck box, the only person who still loved me in our little beaver pond quintet was Pete.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

My newfound internet friend had provided us with everything we needed to hang the wood duck box. But when I say \u201cus\u201d and \u201cwe\u201d I mean \u201cDon\u201d and \u201cDon.\u201d Hanging a wood duck box is like being president of the United States \u2013 it\u2019s a one-man job, and it\u2019s lonely at the top.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\"\"
Tell me those aren’t snake holes. Then stick your hand in there to prove it. Afterward, if you’re not dying, we can make snake-and-hole jokes.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

I encouraged the kids to explore while Don worked. But sullen teenagers suffering the emotional upheaval of a pandemic do not think you\u2019re a good mother when you tell them to do something you yourself mock<\/a>. They think you\u2019re a hypocrite. They crouch on tree stumps, skinny and pale from months indoors. They look like Gollum<\/a>, hiding behind rocks and threatening Bilbo with their nine teeth.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I would be Bilbo in this scenario, which is fine because I love Martin Freeman. And the only role I\u2019ve ever seen Martin Freeman take into the wild outdoors is Bilbo. And look what happens to Bilbo.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
Tell me that doesn’t look downright evil.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

Later, when we were alone, Don turned to me.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cLook \u2013,\u201d he began. But I interrupted because that\u2019s what optimists do.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d I told him. When I had decided on the wood duck box activity, I figured it would happen like everything else outdoors happens \u2013 without me.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
That path is pretty creepy too. When a load of people passed it on the far end, all I could think of was “Deliverance.”<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

My dad once told me I don\u2019t know what I don\u2019t know. That certainly applies to the outdoors. Worse, I might know just enough to be a menace.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Besides, summer is coming, which isn\u2019t as good as Winter Is Coming, but is a positive nonetheless. The kids will be swimming and at the beach. That\u2019s outdoor time I can safely manage.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

But. I received an email this week. The Audubon Mid-Atlantic Birdathon<\/a>. Birding for 24 hours.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I mean, really.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

How hard could it be?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Once, years ago, I tried to get Don into the one outdoor activity I really enjoy.   Skiing.   I was hoping to cultivate a Johnny Come Lately \u2013 Donny Come Lately? \u2013 Shaun White.   What I actually cultivated was a 6\u20192\u201d human snowball with a sprained finger.   It was years before that…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":537,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[30,21,20,22,11,17,18,19],"yoast_head":"\nDucking Ridiculous - Wendi Rank<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I tried to restore the duck population. 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