{"id":601,"date":"2021-06-24T12:25:56","date_gmt":"2021-06-24T12:25:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/?p=601"},"modified":"2021-06-24T12:25:56","modified_gmt":"2021-06-24T12:25:56","slug":"worms-worms-worms","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/06\/24\/worms-worms-worms\/","title":{"rendered":"Worms, Worms, Worms"},"content":{"rendered":"

As you read this, I want you to know I\u2019m OK, despite the terrible things that happened.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

You may be aware<\/a> we spent Father\u2019s Day weekend at The Cabin<\/a>. We did so not only to celebrate Don and my father-in-law Big Don, but also to observe Donny\u2019s birthday.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I know. That\u2019s a lot of Dons. Believe me when I say you don\u2019t know the half of it.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

We went to The Cabin for one other reason. Known only to me.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Don and I are going camping<\/a> in a few weeks. It will be a weekend without showers. For two full days, I will not wash my hair.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Big deal, right? Most people skip a day or two when it comes to shampooing. What makes me so special? Why do I need to shampoo daily? Am I really that prissy?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Well, yes. Also my hair is like Apple earbuds in 2008 \u2013 often coveted, but constantly tangled and grimy when you get up close. People envy the cornsilk sprouting from my head. But fine, silky hair grows heavy with oil and dirt about five minutes after it\u2019s washed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

That oil and dirt start running down your face thirty seconds later. You won\u2019t know it, of course, until a day or two passes and your face starts looking like pepperoni pizza.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Daily shampoos are required to keep that oil at bay. And satisfy my Obsessiveness<\/a>.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

This camping excursion I have pledged myself to is a whole event with lots of people. I can\u2019t go around with greasy hair and a sixteen-year-old-me acne problem. Tenth grade was bad enough. I don\u2019t need to relive it, least of all while camping.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I committed to using this weekend at The Cabin to test my dry shampoo. As I discussed in my column<\/a>, I can\u2019t just buy any old product and use it, caution to the wind like I\u2019m Han Solo or something.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Have you ever needed a week of steroids because your shampoo\u2019s formula changed, causing angry red welts to spread over your entire body? Have you ever been on your honeymoon, your arms bright red and itchy because you thought that sparkly lotion would be cute? Have you ever used a Stridex pad and had your entire face swell so badly your eyelids sealed shut?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

This is the drama of sensitive skin.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Cabin gave me the perfect opportunity to test my dry shampoo. Who cares what I look like<\/a> at The Cabin? I can be as swollen and pocked with rashes as I want. I am not trying to be all that cute at The Cabin.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
At The Cabin, I usually shampoo with stream water heated in a Dutch oven on the cast iron stove. The well water from the shower turns my hair orange so I improvised this method.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

Saturday morning, I stumbled out of bed at 4:45 because certain four-legged people have an old man\u2019s prostate and an underappreciation for the bears and snakes roaming around The Cabin.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I was up, so I might as well bathe and test my dry shampoo. I turned on the water, pinned my hair up, and headed into the shower.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

That was when I saw the bug. Or, more accurately, the first bug.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
An early iteration of the shower at The Cabin. It looks a lot better now. Except, you know, for the worms.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was the new Cabin bug, a two-inch long black worm. I\u2019m not kidding. It\u2019s really scary. And it was lurking on the floor of the shower.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Normally, I\u2019d have Don or Big Don handle the bug. But it was five o\u2019clock in the morning and while there\u2019s always a lot of bravado about how early the day starts at The Cabin, this early-to-rise business rarely happens when I\u2019m there.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I am also my own man. I will kill a bug myself. If I have to.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So I killed him. With impunity.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was when I was already in the shower that I saw the other bug.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A second black worm lay across the shower drain. I couldn\u2019t tell if he was dead or alive – and couldn\u2019t decide which was worse. I showered quickly, watching him the whole time.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When I dropped my razor, my herpetophobia and Obsessiveness warred. Do I skip shaving so as not to have my hand near the black worm? Or do I grab the razor quickly and get the job done?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Surprisingly, my Obsessiveness won. That is not where I would have put my money. But I think had that been an actual snake – not just a serpentine bug – my Obsessiveness would have lost the entire game. No shaving. Not even a shower.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I\u2019m pretty sure the black worm was dead. The water comes out of The Cabin\u2019s showerhead like millions of needles. For the most part it\u2019s fine. But when that water hits your sensitive bits it\u2019s a little less fine. I\u2019m thinking the black worms are akin to my sensitive bits.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I can\u2019t fix that showerhead, by the way. Repairs and installations fall to The Cabin handyman, aka Big Don. There is just no good way to tell your father-in-law The Cabin showerhead hurts your lady parts. Especially when your father-in-law\u2019s vigor is well-known and impressive. I was raised by a United States Marine. I know a vigorous dad when I see one.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

This is a guy who, at fourteen, would hike the mountain next to The Cabin for days<\/em>. He\u2019d come home when his supplies ran out. I\u2019m a lot older than fourteen and I can barely hike the property around The Cabin, let alone an entire mountain with no Cabin.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I\u2019m just going to sound like I\u2019m whining if I tell Big Don about the showerhead. Because I am whining about the showerhead. Plus, it killed the black worm. It\u2019s not all bad.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Anyway, I hopped out of the shower and headed for my dry shampoo.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I read the label, which I always do because of the notorious family story about my great-grandmother giving a flea bath to a stray cat. The flea bath she used changed formulas. She didn\u2019t read the directions. That poor cat wound up with a chemical burn.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The dry shampoo directions instructed me to first take a deep breath and get centered. That\u2019s a little trippy for me. But I\u2019ve been listening to Andy at Headspace and I had just showered with a black worm.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I took a deep breath and got centered.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As centered as one can be at The Cabin anyway.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I dry shampooed, dressed, then headed out to start my tea.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tea is an experience. It is as necessary to life as bug-free showers. That cat-burning great-grandmother emigrated from England with a teapot and rigorous standards for tea that went in it. She spawned children and grandchildren who war over the suitability of reusing teabags.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I mean, full-on battles.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tea is important.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Nothing happened when I turned the stove\u2019s knob. This is pretty common at The Cabin. Sometimes, you have to manually light the burner.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

But that didn\u2019t work either.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I had to heat the water in the microwave. That\u2019s worse than reusing a teabag and almost as bad as showering with a black worm.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I can handle a bug in the shower. I can\u2019t handle two black worms in the shower, dry shampoo, and microwaved tea.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Once he was up, I asked Don to remove the black worm on the shower drain and to light the stubborn stove.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m looking forward to reading about this,\u201d Don muttered as he headed off to take care of the black worm that, yes, was still in the shower drain, presumably dead.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Well, I can\u2019t complain about dead stoves and deader bugs on Father\u2019s Day weekend. All of that has to go somewhere.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Later, we headed to Big Don\u2019s hunting club, which at least has the decency to make sure all of the bugs in the bathroom are dead.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
A window at the club. If ivy can get inside the windows, then I’m pretty sure snakes can get in there too.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

Donny fished as Jordan took pictures. I read my book, then eventually headed down to the pond to fish as well. Andy from Headspace was back, whispering in my brain, telling me to just focus on the bobber.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
The pond at the club. Something kept grabbing our fish off the line. Don says it was a muskrat, but I think we all know it was a plesiosaurus.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

Fishing is surprisingly relaxing. If it didn\u2019t involve worms and take place outside, I\u2019d really enjoy it. It\u2019s just you and that bobber.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I even hooked a worm onto my fishing line myself. With only a little bit of screaming.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

From me. Not the worm.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
Did you know you could buy worms for fishing from vending machines? Also, Don is really adorable.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I had to dodge another worm later in the kitchen, when Don and I found ourselves alone. He offered to make good use of the card table.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNever say those words to me again,\u201d I shuddered. He knows the rules about Parcheesi at The Cabin. Those rules extend to the hunting club and anything else Cabin-adjacent.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I mean, I\u2019ve been using dry shampoo and there are dead bugs everywhere.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And I have to give him some reason to go home.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
Me after two days of dry shampooing. Would you let that handle your worm? I don’t think so.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As you read this, I want you to know I\u2019m OK, despite the terrible things that happened.   You may be aware we spent Father\u2019s Day weekend at The Cabin. We did so not only to celebrate Don and my father-in-law Big Don, but also to observe Donny\u2019s birthday.   I know. That\u2019s a lot…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":607,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[21,20,22,10,11,17,18],"yoast_head":"\nWorms, Worms, Worms - Wendi Rank<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"It was a traumatizing weekend.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Worms, Worms, Worms - Wendi Rank\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"It was a traumatizing weekend.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/06\/24\/worms-worms-worms\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Wendi Rank\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-06-24T12:25:56+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/IMG_8098-scaled.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1920\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"wendi\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"wendi\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"9 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/06\/24\/worms-worms-worms\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/06\/24\/worms-worms-worms\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"wendi\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/#\/schema\/person\/81fa1f6bb0eed6ccabd60fce3c44bdfd\"},\"headline\":\"Worms, Worms, Worms\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-06-24T12:25:56+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-06-24T12:25:56+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/06\/24\/worms-worms-worms\/\"},\"wordCount\":1730,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/#\/schema\/person\/81fa1f6bb0eed6ccabd60fce3c44bdfd\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/06\/24\/worms-worms-worms\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/IMG_8098-scaled.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"hunter's wife\",\"hunting\",\"hunting widow\",\"neat freak\",\"obsessive\",\"Outdoors\",\"Outdoorsman\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Outdoorsman\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/06\/24\/worms-worms-worms\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/06\/24\/worms-worms-worms\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/06\/24\/worms-worms-worms\/\",\"name\":\"Worms, Worms, Worms - 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