{"id":677,"date":"2021-10-27T19:28:39","date_gmt":"2021-10-27T19:28:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/?p=677"},"modified":"2021-10-27T19:28:39","modified_gmt":"2021-10-27T19:28:39","slug":"not-a-happy-camper","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/10\/27\/not-a-happy-camper\/","title":{"rendered":"Not A Happy Camper"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>You guys know I went camping this summer.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I have one thing to say about it.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Well, actually I have <a href=\"https:\/\/montco.today\/2021\/07\/weekend-wanderer-portable-toilets\/\">a lot<\/a> to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.backcountryhunters.org\/bhaers_don_t_camp\">say<\/a> about it. But I\u2019ll start with this:<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Camping is stupid.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m not saying people who camp are stupid. My husband, brother, dad, and father-in-law all enjoy camping.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m saying camping itself is stupid. There are reasons mankind\u2019s housing evolved. Those reasons include \u2013 among others, I\u2019m sure \u2013 keeping bugs off you while you\u2019re not sleeping on the ground.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Listen. I do a lot of things that are stupid. I color my hair blonde when it\u2019s already blonde. I order pizza when my fridge has all the ingredients I need to just make pizza. I believe in ghosts. I sleep with the lights on.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s just that camping is a stupid thing I didn\u2019t enjoy. At all.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_680\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-680\" style=\"width: 300px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-680\" src=\"http:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Muster1-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Muster1-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Muster1-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Muster1-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Muster1-768x767.jpg 768w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Muster1-850x849.jpg 850w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Muster1.jpg 1440w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-680\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">It&#8217;s a beautiful view. It would be just as beautiful if we were separated by a pane of glass.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>To be fair, I volunteered to do it. I\u2019d never camped in a tent. A camper, yes, which I\u2019m here to tell you is no better than a tent.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>And I went with Don, which means I knew I\u2019d be safe, I knew I\u2019d be cared for, I had someone to (erroneously) blame for my misery, and I knew I could write about it later and he\u2019d still come home.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Don didn\u2019t disappoint. He was wonderful. He packed my tea and a cooler with Entenmann\u2019s chocolate-frosted donuts. He knew the lack of a nightly lava cake would make me insufferable.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Lava cakes are heated in a microwave. Believe it or not, there are no microwaves when you\u2019re camping. I couldn\u2019t even find a street light.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Don even packed an egg crate to layer beneath my sleeping bag and a special camping pillow \u2013 both purchased for this trip and for my comfort.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Between you and me, I\u2019m the princess and the ground is the pea. I\u2019m pretty sure there is nothing you can place between me and the ground that makes sleeping on it more comfortable.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Except, you know, a house.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/TentWithTrashBag-1.heic\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-681\" src=\"http:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/TentWithTrashBag-1.heic\" alt=\"\" width=\"1\" height=\"1\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_682\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-682\" style=\"width: 225px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-682 size-medium\" src=\"http:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/TentWithTrashBag-225x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"225\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/TentWithTrashBag-225x300.jpg 225w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/TentWithTrashBag-768x1024.jpg 768w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/TentWithTrashBag-1152x1536.jpg 1152w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/TentWithTrashBag-1536x2048.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/TentWithTrashBag-300x400.jpg 300w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/TentWithTrashBag-850x1133.jpg 850w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/TentWithTrashBag-scaled.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 225px) 100vw, 225px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-682\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">In case you&#8217;re wondering, that plastic shopping bag is our trash. It lived there, between our sleeping bags, all weekend. I do not know how I survived that.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Despite Don\u2019s attendance to my creature comforts, the wheels fell off the cart right away. As Don set up the tent, I noticed a fly on his ankle.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>That fly was basically Paul Revere, heralding the arrival of the British. Gnats, mosquitoes, and yes, more flies would follow that ankle fly in the hours to come. The swarm grew thicker the longer we went without bathing, because in addition to lacking microwaves camping also lacks showers.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I marveled at Don\u2019s nonchalance over his ankle fly. He didn\u2019t even notice it. You have an insect crawling on your body, and you don\u2019t notice? It eats poop! Do you know how contaminated you are right now?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_683\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-683\" style=\"width: 225px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-683\" src=\"http:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Slug-225x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"225\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Slug-225x300.jpg 225w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Slug-768x1024.jpg 768w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Slug-1152x1536.jpg 1152w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Slug-1536x2048.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Slug-300x400.jpg 300w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Slug-850x1133.jpg 850w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Slug-scaled.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 225px) 100vw, 225px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-683\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Slugs climbed our tent all weekend. Like Alex Honnold but without a spine.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I pulled out my phone to text our kids \u2013 I for sure wasn\u2019t useful in assembling the tent &#8211; but camping doesn\u2019t have cell towers. It was like the inverse of the game \u201cWe\u2019re Going on a Picnic.\u201d But instead of remembering what each player is bringing on the picnic, I tried to forget each comfort I was lacking.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Now, there\u2019s a lot of walking with camping. I\u2019m not opposed to walking, but I thought there would be a lot of hiking, which is different from walking. I can wear anything to walk. To hike, I need special clothes.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I thought I\u2019d be hiking. I purchased special clothes.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I bought hiking sneakers, which utterly failed to protect me from a stick impaling my foot. I\u2019ll probably die from some weird upstate New York grass amoeba sometime next year.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I also purchased hiking pants which, to be honest, I mostly bought because they <a href=\"https:\/\/montco.today\/2021\/06\/weekend-wanderer-camping-fit-bathtub-into-suv\/\">remind<\/a> me of <em>Star Trek<\/em>. Anything that reminds me of <em>Star Trek<\/em> while camping is a comfort.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>It was Saturday when the sky opened up, as if the universe shared my despair. Muddy creeks sprang up everywhere near the campgrounds. And that\u2019s the next thing I learned about camping.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-684 aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/MusterA-225x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"225\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/MusterA-225x300.jpg 225w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/MusterA-300x400.jpg 300w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/MusterA.jpg 720w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 225px) 100vw, 225px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_685\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-685\" style=\"width: 300px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-685 size-medium\" src=\"http:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Muster5-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Muster5-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Muster5-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Muster5-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Muster5-768x768.jpg 768w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Muster5-850x850.jpg 850w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Muster5.jpg 1440w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-685\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">I mean really.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Once it rains, you\u2019re wet until you get somewhere with a roof and four walls. Don\u2019t fight it. LeAnn Rimes said you can\u2019t fight the moonlight. Well, moisture while camping is just as formidable.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>And let me tell you something else about camping. It forces you to think. A lot. Without time on your phone, in a shower, or standing in front of a microwave, you can do little <em>but<\/em> think. And when you\u2019re thinking, you learn what kind of person you are.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Besides being one who ends sentences with prepositions, I\u2019m not a person with a lot of inner strength. With my creature comforts suspended, I realized how many crutches I actually have. I always think of myself as self-reliant. But I\u2019m only self-reliant if I have Starbucks, caffeine, lava cakes, and <em>Star Trek<\/em> on which to lean.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Fixed that preposition problem.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m also a terrible parent. People were camping with kids. Little kids. Big kids. Kids in utero. I have never taken my kids camping, and as such have now raised people who don\u2019t camp. I\u2019m not sure that was the right way to go. But they don\u2019t like <em>Star Trek<\/em> either, so at least I\u2019m an equal opportunity failure.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>When Sunday morning rolled around, I was anxious to get away. From the primitive conditions. From the rain. From myself.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I had spent most of Saturday night alone as the rain poured outside. Don, in his element, was socializing. Socializing! Apparently, camping turns us into an 80s body-swap comedy \u2013 he\u2019s outgoing and happy, I\u2019m grumpy and reclusive.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I had given up on resting comfortably since nothing was dry. I slept in my wet jeans, shirt, and socks. I never bothered to take off Don\u2019s windbreaker or my vampire-killer sneakers.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>When I heard the first vehicle pulling away at dawn on Sunday, I started packing up. That was when I learned another thing about camping.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Leaving a campground is like escaping Gilead \u2013 every time you think you\u2019re scot-free, something stops you. Disposing of your trash. Making sure you left no trace. Saying goodbye to friends.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I didn\u2019t even eat. I just left, like camping was a bad one-night stand.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Twenty minutes down the road \u2013 twenty minutes! That\u2019s how close we were to civilization?! \u2013 we found a caf\u00e9. Don asked if we should wait the ten minutes until it was due to open, or continue on and find something down the road.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>There was literally nothing that could have pulled me from that caf\u00e9. I was fearful of leaving four walls, a functioning bathroom, caffeine, chocolate, and \u2013 yes \u2013 a microwave, as if I\u2019d never again find such comforts if I let them out of my sight.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>This caf\u00e9, in addition to lifesaving chocolate, also sold mugs and other Joanna Gaines-esque tchotchkes. It was like my reward for surviving camping.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I used the bathroom, with a real toilet that flushed and running water to wash my hands and a mirror to check my sorry, sorry state.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I ordered a breakfast sandwich, bubbling with cheese and bacon. And a hot tea to chase away Saturday\u2019s chill \u2013 I was still in my wet clothes \u2013 and buoy my spirits with caffeine.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_686\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-686\" style=\"width: 300px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-686\" src=\"http:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Muster3-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Muster3-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Muster3-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Muster3-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Muster3-768x768.jpg 768w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Muster3-850x850.jpg 850w, https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Muster3.jpg 1440w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-686\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Absolutely life saving. Check out their Instagram @missmaevey to learn about their wonderful mission &#8211; besides saving weary campers.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>As we drove the five hours home, Don slept off Saturday\u2019s socializing. But I thought.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Again with the thinking.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I wasn\u2019t proud of myself. I hadn\u2019t truly achieved anything. With an experience where I could choose to embrace the difficult or cower from it, I\u2019d cowered. That\u2019s not who I thought I was.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>And I\u2019m back to being a person who ends sentences with prepositions.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>This realization leaves me with just one choice.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I need to do it again.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Bring on the rain. Bring on the impaling sticks. Bring on the snake that managed to find me during the one outdoorsy thing I did that weekend.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I will strap on my big boy <em>Star Trek<\/em> hiking pants. I will do better.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Because I don\u2019t think I can really do any worse.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You guys know I went camping this summer. &nbsp; I have one thing to say about it. &nbsp; Well, actually I have a lot to say about it. But I\u2019ll start with this: &nbsp; Camping is stupid. &nbsp; I\u2019m not saying people who camp are stupid. My husband, brother, dad, and father-in-law all enjoy camping&#8230;.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":679,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[21,20,22,10,11,17,18,19,23],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Not A Happy Camper - Wendi Rank<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Isn&#039;t camping supposed to be fun?\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Not A Happy Camper - Wendi Rank\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Isn&#039;t camping supposed to be fun?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/10\/27\/not-a-happy-camper\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Wendi Rank\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-10-27T19:28:39+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Muster2.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1440\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1439\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"wendi\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"wendi\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"8 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/10\/27\/not-a-happy-camper\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/10\/27\/not-a-happy-camper\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"wendi\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/#\/schema\/person\/81fa1f6bb0eed6ccabd60fce3c44bdfd\"},\"headline\":\"Not A Happy Camper\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-10-27T19:28:39+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-10-27T19:28:39+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/10\/27\/not-a-happy-camper\/\"},\"wordCount\":1545,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/#\/schema\/person\/81fa1f6bb0eed6ccabd60fce3c44bdfd\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/10\/27\/not-a-happy-camper\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Muster2.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"hunter's wife\",\"hunting\",\"hunting widow\",\"neat freak\",\"obsessive\",\"Outdoors\",\"Outdoorsman\",\"Outdoorsman's wife\",\"reptiles\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Outdoorsman\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/10\/27\/not-a-happy-camper\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/10\/27\/not-a-happy-camper\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/10\/27\/not-a-happy-camper\/\",\"name\":\"Not A Happy Camper - 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