{"id":689,"date":"2021-11-18T15:59:25","date_gmt":"2021-11-18T15:59:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/?p=689"},"modified":"2021-11-18T15:59:25","modified_gmt":"2021-11-18T15:59:25","slug":"the-bank-part-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/11\/18\/the-bank-part-1\/","title":{"rendered":"The Bank, Part 1"},"content":{"rendered":"

The thing with Willie<\/a> is that she\u2019s the Hotel California<\/em>. Once you check in with Willie, you can check out any time you\u2019d like.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

But you can never leave.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And she doesn\u2019t even have the courtesy to involve Don Henley.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Let me give you an example.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Temple of Doom<\/a> has a bank. The bank is only open on Wednesdays. And only from 9 until noon.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Temple of Doom also has a caf\u00e9. The caf\u00e9 is stocked with goodies for the residents to purchase for themselves. I assume for grandchildren as well, but honestly my kids are the only kids I\u2019ve ever seen at the Temple of Doom.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

That\u2019s pretty funny when you consider what the movie version of the Temple of Doom did to kids.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The caf\u00e9\u2019s supply of goodies comes from Sam\u2019s Club. Each week, an order needs to be placed with Sam\u2019s. Then someone needs to pick it up.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Guess who does the pickup?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Yes. Willie. Willie does the pickup.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And once, I did the pickup.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I don\u2019t want to talk about it.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
He’s laughing at me, right?<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Temple of Doom doesn\u2019t have a corporate credit card. So Willie pays for the goods out of her own pocket. Then she submits her receipt to the lady who runs the caf\u00e9.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Who is, naturally, Willie\u2019s mortal enemy. They yell at each other across the lobby when the caf\u00e9 lady is working the caf\u00e9 counter and Willie is working the front desk.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The caf\u00e9 lady turns Willie\u2019s receipt over to another guy. We\u2019ll call him Bernie Madoff because this is a very linear Ponzi scheme.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I\u2019m not sure why Willie can\u2019t give the receipt directly to Bernie Madoff. All I know is that if she did, it would violate some sacred rule in the Temple of Doom charter, forged with lightning by Zeus, thousands and thousands of years ago, before the advent of mortal man.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And, you know, piss off the caf\u00e9 lady.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
Yes. You can buy cake mix in the cafe.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

Now, back when Willie was scammed<\/a>, we had to close down her bank account. Her new bank deposits checks through an app.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I showed Willie how to do deposits with the app. My brother showed Willie how to do deposits with app. I showed Willie again how to do deposits with the app.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie can\u2019t do deposits with the app.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So Willie decided to open a bank account with the bank at the Temple of Doom, so she could just deposit Bernie Madoff\u2019s checks the old-fashioned way.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I thought that was a good idea. If there\u2019s one thing you want for someone with memory issues, it\u2019s lots and lots of financial accounts.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie didn\u2019t want or need to put Indy on the account. Indy hasn\u2019t written a check since he met Willie in 1968. The only cash he carries is loose twenties a customer used to pay him for his last job in 2004. When Willie was comatose<\/a>, Indy handed me the checkbook and said, \u201cI really shouldn\u2019t be handling this.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And he was right, considering the last time he did handle his own finances, he bought property in a Texas<\/a> land hoax.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I have news on the Texas property, by the way. That might be your Christmas story. Let\u2019s just say it involves Afghanistan, Alec Baldwin, and a last will and testament.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Naturally, Willie wanted me on the account. I am her financial power of attorney and estate executrix, which makes me sound pretty badass.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

But really, I think Willie wanted me on the account just to keep me busy.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

We made plans for me to come over Wednesday at one to open the account.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Remember how I said the bank is only open from nine until twelve? I didn\u2019t know that then.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I know it now.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie has a habit of planning things with me, only for me to find Willie has other plans. Lunch with friends. A doctor\u2019s appointment. A hair appointment.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I usually find out when I\u2019m knocking on Willie\u2019s door to pick her up and no one answers.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Or Indy answers with no pants on, which is also something I don\u2019t want to talk about.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
They look like “American Gothic” in this picture.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

So on Wednesday morning, I called Willie to confirm our appointment.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie was all in. Let\u2019s do this.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I went to the Temple of Doom at one o\u2019clock.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

No Willie.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie was in a meeting.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was not an impromptu meeting.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I interrupted the meeting to basically ask Willie, \u201cWhat the Fudgesicle?!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s OK,\u201d Willie whispered. \u201cThe bank closes at twelve.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I\u2019m not sure what made that \u201cOK.\u201d I didn\u2019t stay to ask.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie and I rescheduled for the following Wednesday at nine.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I called to confirm, and actually found Willie at home on Wednesday at nine.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So far, so good.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

But remember the Hotel California<\/em>. Always remember Willie is the Hotel California.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI misplaced my driver\u2019s license, but it\u2019s OK. I have my Sam\u2019s Club card.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I sighed as I told Willie you can\u2019t, in fact, open a bank account with a Sam\u2019s Club card.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie huffed. \u201cThat\u2019s ridiculous,\u201d she sniffed. \u201cWhat do people who don\u2019t drive do?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Well, for starters they probably don\u2019t have a Sam\u2019s Club card since it\u2019s really hard to get a 48-pack of toilet paper on a bike.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie has difficulty navigating the internet these days, so I sat down at her desk to order a new license.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cGet me a new registration too!\u201d Willie called out, because she had misplaced that as well and I apparently had nothing to do that day but hang around the Temple of Doom.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I\u2019d just like to say at this point that we still haven\u2019t opened the bank account.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Like Don Henley, I wanted to run for the door, to find the passage back to the place I was before. I wanted to go home.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

But I am just a prisoner at the Temple of Doom. Definitely not of my own device.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And I need a captain to bring me my wine.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Good thing I live with one. Now if I could just escape the Temple of Doom.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
Pass the wine, Mom.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The thing with Willie is that she\u2019s the Hotel California. Once you check in with Willie, you can check out any time you\u2019d like.   But you can never leave.   And she doesn\u2019t even have the courtesy to involve Don Henley.   Let me give you an example.   The Temple of Doom has…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":691,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,1],"tags":[5,3,6,7,4],"yoast_head":"\nThe Bank, Part 1 - Wendi Rank<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"We were just going to open a bank account...\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Bank, Part 1 - Wendi Rank\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"We were just going to open a bank account...\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/11\/18\/the-bank-part-1\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Wendi Rank\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-11-18T15:59:25+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/BankRestaurant-scaled.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1788\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"wendi\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"wendi\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/11\/18\/the-bank-part-1\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/11\/18\/the-bank-part-1\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"wendi\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/#\/schema\/person\/81fa1f6bb0eed6ccabd60fce3c44bdfd\"},\"headline\":\"The Bank, Part 1\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-11-18T15:59:25+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-11-18T15:59:25+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/11\/18\/the-bank-part-1\/\"},\"wordCount\":1176,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/#\/schema\/person\/81fa1f6bb0eed6ccabd60fce3c44bdfd\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/11\/18\/the-bank-part-1\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/BankRestaurant-scaled.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"Parkinson's\",\"Parkinson's disease\",\"Parkinson's disease awareness\",\"Parkinson's sucks\",\"sandwich generation\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Sandwich Generation\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/11\/18\/the-bank-part-1\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/11\/18\/the-bank-part-1\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/11\/18\/the-bank-part-1\/\",\"name\":\"The Bank, Part 1 - 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