{"id":699,"date":"2021-12-15T23:50:26","date_gmt":"2021-12-15T23:50:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/?p=699"},"modified":"2021-12-15T23:50:26","modified_gmt":"2021-12-15T23:50:26","slug":"the-bank-part-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/12\/15\/the-bank-part-2\/","title":{"rendered":"The Bank, Part 2"},"content":{"rendered":"

So let\u2019s recap.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie<\/a> wanted to open a joint bank<\/a> account with me, and Indy bought unusable land in Texas<\/a> back in the 1960s.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
The house Indy lived in while stationed in Malaysia. He probably owns land there, too.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

On my second attempt to help Willie open a bank account at the Temple of Doom<\/a>, I discovered Willie had misplaced her driver\u2019s license.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

We had to replace the driver\u2019s license so we could open the bank account. I sat down at Willie\u2019s computer and logged onto the PennDOT website.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie and Indy went about their business. That\u2019s the nice thing about having a personal assistant. You can tend to your day while your peon handles the scut work.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Now, we need to talk about Willie\u2019s desk a minute.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie\u2019s desk is chaotic. The phone is there, and the base has been flashing \u201c95\u201d \u2013 as in, there are ninety-five voicemails on the answering machine \u2013 for months. There\u2019s also a coaster that appears to be permanently sealed to the desk.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
It’s been like this for months.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

I\u2019m not sure what is sealing it to the desk. But you can\u2019t open the paper tray for the printer because the perma-coaster is in the way.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
Perma-coaster<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

Speaking of paper.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie loves stacks of papers. They dot every surface in the Temple of Doom.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Including the desk. Especially the desk.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
I just can’t with this desk.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

So when I sit down to conduct Willie\u2019s business at Willie\u2019s computer, my Obsessiveness<\/a> short circuits. The Towers of Terror paper stacks and sticky coaster and blinking numbers crawl up my spine like the tarantulas in Raiders of the Lost Ark<\/em>.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Navigating the PennDOT website with my Obsessiveness screaming for me to get out like it\u2019s the demon in The Amityville Horror<\/em> was about as fun as an encounter with an actual demon.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
So much paper.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

When I arrived at the portal to pay for Willie\u2019s new license, I asked Willie to bring me her credit card.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWHAT DOES SHE NEED?!\u201d Willie yelled at Indy.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSHE NEEDS A CREDIT CARD!\u201d Indy yelled back.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSHE\u2019S RIDICULOUS!\u201d Willie yelled at Indy. \u201cTHERE\u2019S A CREDIT CARD RIGHT ON THE DESK!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Temple of Doom is only about 600 square feet. I\u2019m not sure why Willie and Indy A) were yelling and B) didn\u2019t know I heard them call me \u201cridiculous.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

There was, indeed, a credit card on the desk. How I was supposed to know it was acceptable for me to use this credit card, I don\u2019t know.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Once I was done impersonating a DMV employee, I sat Willie and Indy down to update them on Indy\u2019s two properties. I\u2019ve been in the process of selling them for about nine months.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
Also, lots of boxes. So many boxes.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Maryland<\/a> property is going swimmingly. All I had to do was hire a real estate agent, talk to Queen Anne\u2019s County, fill out two forms, talk to Queen Anne\u2019s County again, hire an engineer, shell out $2800, talk to Queen\u2019s Anne County a third time, go to FedEx, and wish the real estate agent a happy Thanksgiving when he texted me on the last Thursday in November.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Easy-peasy.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Texas is just a straight-up problem.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

If I trust Google Earth and OnX<\/a>, Indy\u2019s Texas property is flat-out desert. No utilities service the land, and no real estate agent sells it.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I investigated my options for unsellable land.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I have none.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I could refuse to pay taxes, to have the county or state or Area 51 repossess the property. But the taxes are so minuscule \u2013 my kids could pay the bill with their allowance \u2013 it would take generations for the debt to become great enough for El Paso to care.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The lack of utilities also makes donating the land a no-go.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The only thing I can do is pass the property down, generation to generation, until we\u2019re in The Jetsons<\/em> and desert becomes livable space.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Don suggested I change Willie and Indy\u2019s will to leave the land to a relative I don\u2019t like.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I suggested this to Indy and Willie, too.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell,\u201d Willie said, \u201cwhy don\u2019t we just transfer the ownership of the property to you?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So now I\u2019m not just ridiculous. Nobody likes me either.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I pointed out that Willie and Indy do, in fact, have other kids. Maybe we should talk to them? See if they want the land?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo. We\u2019ll transfer ownership to you,\u201d Willie said.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d Indy said.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d Indy said. \u201cYou have all those refugees coming in from Afghanistan and Haiti. Give it to them.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I\u2019m not sure how I was supposed to tell thousands of refugees from two countries they could share a spot of land in west Texas just big enough to build a house upon. I also wasn\u2019t sure how to tell them their new digs lack water, electricity, cable, neighbors, a functioning police department, streets, schools, supermarkets, traffic lights, a roof, and walls.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cUm, sure,\u201d I said, because I have a tough time telling Indy he\u2019s<\/em> the one being ridiculous.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOr,\u201d Indy continued.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOr?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOr, you can give it to Alec Baldwin. He probably can\u2019t film his movie anymore. Let him film it there.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cUh, OK,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Then I left. I just left. I\u2019m not sure how I got from opening a bank account to international relations to Alec Baldwin. But I did and I needed to leave because I didn\u2019t want it to get worse.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I also had a lot to do, what with needing to contact the State Department, Alec Baldwin, Immigration, and maybe the president.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And, of course, I still hadn\u2019t opened the bank account with Willie.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

That came the following week. Willie was present and accounted for when Wednesday morning rolled around. So was her driver\u2019s license.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So we trekked to the Garden Level of the Temple of Doom, where the bank pops up every Wednesday morning from nine to twelve. We were early, so Willie chatted with a fellow Temple of Doom resident who was also waiting for the bank to open.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie introduced us, explaining that she and her friend were in the Temple of Doom\u2019s drama club together.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Yes. The Temple of Doom has a drama club. The Temple of Doom also IS a drama club.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie and this friend exchanged gossip. Apparently, a fellow member of the drama club had done a one-man performance in which she said \u201cgoddamn.\u201d Willie and her friend thought this was offensive.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And said so.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

To this poor lady\u2019s face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

In front of everyone in the Temple of Doom.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

That is just goddamn ridiculous right there.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

After we opened the bank account \u2013 success! – I mentioned this drama club friend we had been chatting with to Willie.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThat woman is not<\/em> my friend,\u2019 Willie hissed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhy?\u201d I asked. I mean, I\u2019m only human. The gossip around the Temple of Doom can be quite lurid. I was hoping for a juicy story.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBecause. She was sitting at the bar at happy hour last week and she didn\u2019t save me a seat.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Like I said. Drama-goddamn-club.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe you should leave the Texas property to her,\u201d I suggested.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

But Willie was still bent on giving it to me. In the hierarchy of people Willie likes, I fall below the lady who refuses to save Willie a seat.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Days later, Willie would tell me that she, Willie, is doing a skit about being flat-chested.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s less offensive than saying \u2018goddamn\u2019?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOh, yes,\u201d Willie said.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIs there a part for Alec Baldwin?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie didn\u2019t think I was funny. So I\u2019m really getting that Texas property now.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Maybe I\u2019ll open a bar. A bar where Willie always has a seat. A bar where little old ladies can say \u201cgoddamn\u201d and stacks of paper are banned.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Or maybe I\u2019m just being ridiculous.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So let\u2019s recap.   Willie wanted to open a joint bank account with me, and Indy bought unusable land in Texas back in the 1960s.     On my second attempt to help Willie open a bank account at the Temple of Doom, I discovered Willie had misplaced her driver\u2019s license.   We had to…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":700,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[10,11,5,3,6,7,4,8,9],"yoast_head":"\nThe Bank, Part 2 - Wendi Rank<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"How opening a bank account became an international incident.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Bank, Part 2 - Wendi Rank\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"How opening a bank account became an international incident.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/12\/15\/the-bank-part-2\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Wendi Rank\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-12-15T23:50:26+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/Desk10.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1476\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1696\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"wendi\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"wendi\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"8 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/12\/15\/the-bank-part-2\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/12\/15\/the-bank-part-2\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"wendi\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/#\/schema\/person\/81fa1f6bb0eed6ccabd60fce3c44bdfd\"},\"headline\":\"The Bank, Part 2\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-12-15T23:50:26+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-12-15T23:50:26+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/12\/15\/the-bank-part-2\/\"},\"wordCount\":1496,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/#\/schema\/person\/81fa1f6bb0eed6ccabd60fce3c44bdfd\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/12\/15\/the-bank-part-2\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/Desk10.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"neat freak\",\"obsessive\",\"Parkinson's\",\"Parkinson's disease\",\"Parkinson's disease awareness\",\"Parkinson's sucks\",\"sandwich generation\",\"sepsis\",\"septic shock\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Sandwich Generation\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/12\/15\/the-bank-part-2\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/12\/15\/the-bank-part-2\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2021\/12\/15\/the-bank-part-2\/\",\"name\":\"The Bank, Part 2 - 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