{"id":724,"date":"2022-03-03T19:43:27","date_gmt":"2022-03-03T19:43:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/?p=724"},"modified":"2022-03-03T19:43:27","modified_gmt":"2022-03-03T19:43:27","slug":"hospitalized-with-parkinsons","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wendirank.com\/index.php\/2022\/03\/03\/hospitalized-with-parkinsons\/","title":{"rendered":"Hospitalized With Parkinson’s"},"content":{"rendered":"

Indy<\/a> has spent the last few months living up to his cinematic namesake.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As in, he sure knows how to show a girl a good time.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The stress of Thanksgiving tanked Indy\u2019s cognition. His speech was just a string of words, laced together in a nonsensical mess, the way a child strings together beads and macaroni to make a necklace.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He also couldn\u2019t get himself from A to B without someone guiding and directing each step. It made sense, then, that when Willie took him to the emergency department, they sent him home.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He has Parkinson\u2019s, they helpfully and with great acumen pointed out. That this wasn\u2019t Indy\u2019s usual home on the Parkinson\u2019s spectrum didn\u2019t matter. Bring him back when he gets something sexy was the essential implication.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Instead, I brought him back to the emergency department the next day. I\u2019m about as sexy as you\u2019re going to get if you\u2019re dealing with Indy. I will just have to do.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Packing up Indy to hit the emergency department is never easy. First, I need to evade Willie. If Indy is Madonna, Willie is Sean Penn, knocking out anybody who tries to get close.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
It’s always a tug of war.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie always demands to know why she can\u2019t take Indy to the emergency department. This discussion never changes. I ask Willie key Indy trivia \u2013 things she\u2019ll need to know when the emergency department staff either ask questions or try to turn Indy\u2019s examination into a stroke workup<\/a>.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t remember that,\u201d she always says. What she does remember is the pickup time for her grocery order at Sam\u2019s Club.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

More on that later.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Also – I hate to state the obvious, but Willie had<\/em> taken Indy to the emergency department the day before. That hadn\u2019t turned out so well, you know?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
You’re making me angry. Have you been to a movie, like, ever? Do you know what happens to pale, blonde kids when they become angry?<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

After I hurdle Sean Penn, I need Indy\u2019s driver\u2019s license and Medicare card. I don\u2019t know what happened to Indy\u2019s old wallet, or the new wallet I bought him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He and Willie don\u2019t know what happened to the wallets either. It\u2019s amazing how many things they lose in a six hundred square foot apartment.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So Indy\u2019s \u201cwallet\u201d is a rubber band holding together a series of membership cards but no driver\u2019s license or Medicare card.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When I have to find something Indy has misplaced, I pull a Sherlock Holmes mind palace. I pause. I breathe deeply. I close my eyes. I press into Indy\u2019s mind. Where would Indy put whatever is missing?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

That day, I opened my eyes, my gaze falling on an Eagles pocket notebook sitting on the end table next to Indy\u2019s chair.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The notebook was held closed by \u2013 what else? – a rubber band<\/a>. I don\u2019t know why rubber bands have become so important to Indy. But they secure everything valuable to him. I\u2019m lucky I don\u2019t have a rubber band around me.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The driver\u2019s license and Medicare card were, logically, wedged in the notebook.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHow did you know they were there?!\u201d Willie demanded.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I replied I know how Indy thinks. That, of course, landed me in an ocean of trouble with Willie. How dare I imply I know Indy better than she knows Indy? The fact that mine and Indy\u2019s common DNA might give me a boost here never signifies.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

With Willie and Medicare tackled, I loaded Indy into my car. I was set to take off when Indy waved his hand for me to stop.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He rapped his knuckles on the car window, so I rolled it down.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He signaled for Willie to come to the car.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI love you,\u201d he managed to get out.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Huh. I bet Willie has a rubber band on her somewhere.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI love you, too,\u201d Willie replied, which would have been very cute and romantic if Willie didn\u2019t then tell Indy all the things she was going to get done because she didn\u2019t have to take care of him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Indy was admitted to the hospital. When my phone rang after one in the morning that night, I expected the worst.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I did not get the worst.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Indy, apparently, was determined to go home to Willie. So determined, in fact, he had repeatedly gotten out of bed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Indy\u2019s nurse wanted me to reorient Indy. He wanted me to reorient Indy now, or he was going to call \u2013 wait for it \u2013 security.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019m a nurse. I never knew it was the family\u2019s responsibility to reorient a patient, or that security was the key to controlling a 165-pound octogenarian. Do you know how much time I wasted guiding patients back to bed, explaining they were hospitalized and why? Where can I register a complaint to get those hours back?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Also, if I had been able to reorient Indy he wouldn\u2019t \u2013 how do I say this? \u2013 need to be in the dirty birdy hospital.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I just rewatched Misery<\/em>. My goal in life is to be that menacing without uttering a single curse word.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I had the dirty birdy nurse put Indy on the dirty birdy phone. Indy told me this was ridiculous as he had been there for hours and it was time to go home. I reminded Indy why he was in the hospital. I implored him to stay in bed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDo you promise to stay in bed?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d Indy said.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWill you at least get in bed and think about staying there?\u201d I suggested.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d Indy said.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Yeah. They called security.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Had Indy known how close he was to the front doors of the hospital, his escape would have been successful. He would have been gone and, I\u2019m sure, home before anyone noticed his absence.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
I may as well have been asked to levitate. That would have been easier than getting Indy to stay in bed.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

The next day, Willie and I went to the hospital for a visit with Indy. Our visits were limited to one person at a time. We decided I would go first.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I peeked in on Indy, who told me to tell it walking because he just wanted to hang with Willie. \u201cTell her I want her to stay all day,\u201d Indy directed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I did as I was told, which brought on a very romantic grunt from Willie. \u201cLike I have nothing else to do besides sit with him!\u201d Willie complained.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I think we all dream of a love like that.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Now, I knew I shouldn\u2019t have asked this next question. I knew I shouldn\u2019t. But I did.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you need to do? I can take care of it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

First, Willie needed me to go to Sam\u2019s Club to pick up her grocery order. Next, I needed to go back to the Temple of Doom<\/a> to drop off the groceries.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

But the groceries were not Willie\u2019s.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie buys all the food sold in the Temple of Doom\u2019s caf\u00e9. She orders it, pays for it, picks it up, delivers it, and submits a receipt for reimbursement. My job this day was to pick up the groceries at Sam\u2019s Club and deliver them to the caf\u00e9.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Just a little aside here – Willie and the lady who runs the caf\u00e9 \u2013 another Temple of Doom resident \u2013 don\u2019t get along. I don\u2019t know why. But she is Willie\u2019s nemesis.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And yes. You\u2019re recalling correctly that Willie already has a nemesis at the Temple of Doom. She is Willie\u2019s neighbor, the deposed fire marshal of Hallway C, Second Floor<\/a>.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And you\u2019re also recalling correctly that Willie has a third enemy<\/a>, who actually reported Indy and Willie to the Temple of Doom\u2019s manager.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Willie loves a good enemy.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

People who are not Willie\u2019s enemy get pumpkin bread at Christmas. As long as I was dropping off groceries at the Temple of Doom, Willie said, I could go up to Willie\u2019s apartment and wrap the pumpkin bread.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Twenty large and twenty small loaves of pumpkin bread needed to be wrapped. Forty loaves for the various people who are not Willie\u2019s mortal enemies.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Forty.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I headed to Sam\u2019s Club, then circled back over to the Temple of Doom and deposited the groceries on the caf\u00e9 counter.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThese are from Willie,\u201d I explained to the lady who runs the caf\u00e9.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWho are you?\u201d the caf\u00e9 lady asked, her nose wrinkled like I was a peasant in her castle.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So now I don\u2019t like the caf\u00e9 lady either.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I also don\u2019t like the deposed fire marshal of Hallway C, Second Floor. She\u2019s bossy. And flirts with Indy.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m Willie and Indy\u2019s daughter,\u201d I explained, although I think we all know that despite my best efforts I am thoroughly Willie\u2019s daughter. \u201cWillie is tied up. These are for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWillie usually gives me a receipt,\u201d she huffed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell Willie is visiting my father in the hospital today. So I guess we\u2019ll just have to deal with that receipt later,\u201d I said brightly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I mean, they all live within 2000 square feet of each other. I\u2019m sure Willie can bring the receipt when they all go to happy hour on Thursday. Or happy hour on Friday. Or happy hour on Saturday.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I spun on my heel and walked out. That pumpkin bread wasn\u2019t going to wrap itself.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Indy did eventually make it home \u2013 proper and legal, not by escaping and hitching a ride with a long-haul trucker. But he was right back in the hospital a month later.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So you know what you\u2019ll be reading about next.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Indy has spent the last few months living up to his cinematic namesake.   As in, he sure knows how to show a girl a good time.   The stress of Thanksgiving tanked Indy\u2019s cognition. His speech was just a string of words, laced together in a nonsensical mess, the way a child strings together…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":725,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[5,3,6,7,4],"yoast_head":"\nHospitalized With Parkinson's - Wendi Rank<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I'll bet you thought being hospitalized with Parkinson's disease is awful. 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