Last Wednesday was Wendi-Willie Day. The next day was Wendi-Indy Day.
You have to make sure the kids get equal time with you, you know?
I’ll tell the story of the Wendi-Willie Day another time. It’s not over, and I kind of need it to be over.
For so many reasons.
But we can talk about the Wendi-Indy Day. We can talk about the Wendi-Indy Day a lot.
For starters, my Wendi-Indy Day was as long as my Wendi-Willie Day, even though Indy and I drove only twenty minutes from the Temple of Doom while Willie and I went all the way to University City.
Indy and I had multiple appointments at the VA Clinic in Horsham. Let me just say this – if you can’t get your healthcare with the VA, you – to hijack one of Indy’s aphorisms – don’t know what you’re missing.
Healthcare through the VA is like being at a resort – you don’t have to do anything yourself. Is your prescription almost empty? Don’t sweat it. The VA has already shipped you a new bottle. Wondering when you’re due for a checkup? Don’t. The VA has already scheduled it.
And there is no way you’ll miss any appointment the VA schedules for you. They send you a letter. And an email. And a text. Then another letter. And another email. And another text. If you miss an appointment, you’re probably dead.
It’s basically concierge medicine. I spent the day thinking of Royal Pains.
I really need to watch that show.
First up on Wendi-Indy Day was Indy’s annual eye exam. The physician – yes, the physician – personally escorted me and Indy from the waiting room to the exam room. With great kindness and patience, he ran through Indy’s eye exam.
I say he conducted the eye exam with kindness and patience because conducting any sort of health exam on Indy is not easy. Even before the Parkinson’s disease, Indy was a poor historian. He’s a Choose Your Own Adventure. But he chooses the adventure.
“Any eye surgeries?” the doctor asked.
“No,” said Indy.
“Yes,” I said.
“Yes,” said the doctor, peering into Indy’s eyes. “You’ve had cataract surgery.”
“On the right eye,” I said.
“On both eyes,” the doctor corrected.
“He did?!” Willie said when I later relayed the exchange to her.
“Are you having any problems?” the doctor asked.
“No,” said Indy, because if you ask Indy, he never has any problems.
“Yes,” I said. “You have double vision.”
“Eh,” Indy said. “I’ll say sometimes I do. When I’m reading.”
Indy asked me to make this appointment because the double vision was bothering him. We waited six months for this appointment. Every few weeks, Indy asked me about the appointment.
Apparently, this day’s adventure was all about good vision.
The doctor administered drops to dilate Indy’s pupils. He explained while we waited for Indy’s pupils to dilate, a technician would be in with new eyeglass frames for Indy to choose from.
The technician entered, a tray of frames in her hand. Indy reclined in the exam chair.
“Do you wear plastic frames? Or wire?” she asked.
Indy has worn glasses since I was a teenager. I picked out his first frames, a nice wire set that flattered Indy’s white-gray hair. He has worn wire frames ever since.
“Plastic,” Indy said.
I glanced at the tray of wire frames the technician held. “They’re fine,” I told her. “He usually wears wire frames.”
She and I selected a pair of frames for Indy. He looked like his namesake, about to teach an archaeology class. Indy examined himself in a hand mirror, nodding his approval. He handed the frames back to the technician.
“We’ll have these shipped to your house. They’ll arrive in four to six weeks,” she said.
“With my new prescription in them?” Indy asked.
The technician confirmed that yes, Indy’s new glasses were indeed that simple.
Like I said. Concierge medicine.
“Send in the audiologist, please,” Indy said with a wave of his hand, like he was a Kardashian shopping on Rodeo Drive. He was really getting into it now. If I didn’t step in soon he’d order a pizza.
“Hey Richard Gere,” I said. “You’re not shopping for Julia Roberts. No one is sending in the audiologist. You have to make an appointment.”
“The staff can make an appointment with the audiologist when you check out,” the technician said. That was kind of helpful because it would save me a phone call. But it was kind of unhelpful too because it didn’t disabuse Indy of the notion that he’s Henry VIII ordering executions.
Once we finished the eye exam the real work began. We had an hour and a half wait until Indy’s next appointment.
“I’m sure they’ll try to get you seen sooner since you’re already here,” the ophthalmologist said.
They did not try to see us sooner. We sat for over two hours. It’s a busy place.
That being said, those veterans are efficient. The turnover in the waiting room was remarkable. If you’re looking for people who can get in and out in a hurry, find a veteran. To paraphrase Regina King in Jerry Maguire, they came to play.
Thankfully, the TV in the VA’s waiting room was tuned to the Hallmark Channel. I didn’t know I liked the Hallmark Channel. I discovered on that Wendi-Indy Day the Hallmark Channel is an excellent way to catch up on pop culture. The VA is a hub of Hollywood entertainment news. Who knew?
First of all, Bob Hope guest starred on an episode of The Golden Girls. And he died in 2003. And do you remember the arc on The Golden Girls that saw Rose overcome a narcotics addiction?
I didn’t. But wow. That show was prescient. They also had a same-sex wedding and a character get tested for HIV. They were basically the Nostradamus of sitcoms.
And have you been sitting around wondering what Jack Wagner is up to? Yes, you do know who he is. He was Frisco on General Hospital. As in Frisco and Felicia. They were the poor man’s Luke and Laura!
Well, after General he went to Melrose Place. That I knew. Then he went back to General. Back to General?! Where was I when that happened?! Did Felicia go back too? So many questions.
Now Jack Wagner is in a show on the Hallmark Channel called When Calls The Heart. I don’t know what the heck When Calls The Heart means, but I know Jack Wagner is in it.
Somehow, I feel better knowing Jack Wagner is working. Even though that show title is awkward.
The Hallmark Channel also has a special coming up featuring Eriq La Salle and Gloria Reuben. They were a couple on ER back in the 90s. And guess what?! They’re a couple again on the Hallmark Channel special!
I’m not planning to watch. Romance isn’t my genre. But it makes me happy to know Eriq La Salle and Gloria Reuben have found each other again, you know?
It makes Indy happy too. At least, I told Indy it makes him happy.
Indy and I were finally escorted to his second appointment by – again – the physician. I was beginning to think the staff would offer us champagne and a hot towel. Maybe one of those warm compresses filled with lavender.
We were in and out in fifteen minutes. Again with the efficiency! Veterans and VA healthcare staff should run the world. Picture it – a universe where you get through your to-do list in record time while having every whim catered!
Sorry. I sat through six episodes of The Golden Girls. I heard Sophia say, “Picture it. Sicily – 1925” about thirty-seven times. It was funny each time.
Our Wendi-Indy Day complete, I drove Indy home. I pulled his walker from the trunk and helped him from my car. I walked him to the door of the Temple of Doom. Willie was there, waiting. I had called her when we left the VA, instructing her to make Indy’s lunch then head to the lobby to escort Indy.
Huh. Maybe it’s not just the VA that provides Indy with concierge services.
Maybe it’s me and Willie too.
