OK, so you guys probably know I think Willie and Indy are up to some Eyes Wide Shut-style shenanigans over at the Temple of Doom. Willie and Indy are friends with a fellow resident at the Temple of Doom. We’ll call him Steven Spielberg.
Why Steven Spielberg? Well, let’s just say Steven Spielberg was married when he hired Kate Capshaw to portray Willie in the movie version of The Temple of Doom. Much like Willie was married when she moved into the metaphorical Temple of Doom.
Anyway, Willie is bent on getting me to take care of Steven Spielberg the way I care for Indy.
Listen. I like Steven Spielberg just fine, but he’s no Indy.
But for anyone who followed Willie’s sepsis – five years ago! – you know that Willie is not easily deterred.
So much like all drains lead to the ocean, all conversations with Willie lead to Steven Spielberg.
A few weeks ago, I had to drop groceries off for Willie and Indy. I called ahead and, after five rings and two accidental hang ups, managed to get Willie on the phone. I asked her to meet me at the front door to grab her groceries.
Willie shuffled over to my car to retrieve her groceries. I had questions about Indy I needed to ask. We’re rearranging his medications, which means Indy is having all kinds of issues.
Willie leaned inside my window. “Let me tell you about Steven Spielberg!” Willie said.
I didn’t want to hear about Steven Spielberg. I didn’t need to hear about Steven Spielberg.
So, yes. I heard all about Steven Spielberg.
Steven Spielberg has this disease. Steven Spielberg has that disease. Steven, Steven, Steven.
I know so much about Steven Spielberg that, given a trivia contest, I would win Monica and Rachel’s apartment.
Willie paused in her book report on Steven Spielberg. Thinking she was done, I asked about Indy.
“You have to let me finish telling you about Steven Spielberg!”
Hmm. Sort of like you need the Staff of Ra before you can find the Ark’s location in the Map Room. Got it.
The Steven Spielberg situation went nuclear when he was admitted to the hospital. Willie has now spent more time in the hospital than she did when she herself was hospitalized all those years ago.
And I get just as many questions.
What rehabs are good? Why is his hemoglobin so low? Why is he confused? How do I know those rehabs are good? Who do I know at other hospitals that can treat Steven Spielberg, since Willie thinks his current hospital isn’t doing a good job?
And before you ask, yes. Steven Spielberg has family. They, much like my own family, defer to Willie.
Trust me when I say it’s just easier to defer to Willie. You don’t need the complications incurred by not deferring to Willie. That’s how you make a mortal enemy. Just ask the lady who was the Temple of Doom’s board secretary to Willie’s assistant secretary.
She’s not secretary anymore. But guess who is?
And guess who is now running for president?
Last weekend, Willie asked to take Titus to Barnes & Noble. I would put my kids in a car with Pete as chauffer before I’d ever let them ride with Willie. So I drove.
This scored me no points with Willie. So she brought Indy too.
Not that I have a problem with Indy. Indy is basically my favorite person. But Indy doesn’t do so well when lots of walking is required. So my plan to sit quietly in Starbucks with a book and iced tea that Willie paid for was thwarted because I knew neither Willie nor Titus would keep an eye on Indy.
So I kept an eye on Indy. We rifled through books about United States Marines and looked at magazines. We talked and laughed. For the first time in a long time, I was just Indy’s daughter and not his Parkinson’s patient coordinator.
But don’t tell Willie. I need her to think this was a punishment. I don’t need her thinking up other ways to ruin my day.
“When I was a kid, there were only three magazines!” Indy laughed as we looked at the rows and rows of magazines.
“When you were a kid, it was the Depression and there was no TV. What did you do after you read all three magazines?” I asked.
Fortunately, Indy is my biggest fan and therefore thinks I’m very funny.
It was about this time I heard Willie say to Titus, “Let me tell you about my friend Steven Spielberg….”
So he’s not just my future stepdad. He’s going to be an active part of his step-grandkids’ lives. Great. Hope we’re all in the will.
Today, Indy had a telehealth appointment.
Don’t worry. I have a story about that. We’ll save that for another day.
Afterward, Willie and I were discussing some imaging her doctor ordered. It sounds to me like this doctor is getting Willie teed up for surgery. Complex surgery. Surgery that would knock Willie out of commission for a long time. Maybe forever.
While I appreciate this doctor trying to do me a solid, I expressed concern for Willie and, by extension, Indy. This would be no small event.
“Well, let me tell you what happened when Steven Spielberg went into the hospital…” Willie began.
So if Willie has surgery, we don’t have just Indy to worry about.
And really. Aren’t Steven Spielberg and Indy a successful pair anyway?
But that’s one sequel I just don’t want to see.